Carrie Jones, LPC - LifeVision Counseling, LLC

Licensed Professional Counselor in Richmond, Virginia

Tag: feelings

Childlike Joy

Live Free and Joyfully Like a Child  

When was the last time you laughed without restraint, danced without worrying who was watching, or marveled at the world with wide-eyed wonder? Children do these things effortlessly. They live with a sense of freedom and joy that many adults seem to lose along the way. But what if you could bring some of that childlike energy back into your life?

Living free and joyfully like a child isn’t about shirking responsibilities or ignoring the complexities of adulthood. It’s about reconnecting with the parts of you that know how to live fully in the moment, embrace curiosity, and find joy in the simple things.

What We Can Learn from Children  

Children have a remarkable ability to:

– Live in the Moment: Kids aren’t consumed by past regrets or future worries. They immerse themselves completely in the now.

– Find Joy in Simplicity: A puddle on the ground or a bird in the sky can spark their delight.

– Be Unapologetically Themselves: They don’t second-guess their laughter, tears, or creativity.

– Take Risks Without Fear of Failure: They try, fall, and try again, seeing mistakes as part of the adventure.

– Dream Freely: Their imaginations are limitless, and they believe anything is possible.

As adults, we often lose touch with these qualities, weighed down by societal expectations, responsibilities, and self-imposed limits. But we can reclaim them.

How to Reclaim Your Inner Childlike Joy 

1. Embrace Playfulness

Play isn’t just for kids—it’s for anyone who wants to reconnect with joy. Whether it’s trying a new hobby, playing a game, or simply being silly with friends, give yourself permission to have fun without purpose or productivity.

2. Rediscover Your Curiosity

Children are natural explorers, asking “why” a million times a day. Let yourself wonder about the world again. Read books, ask questions, or learn something new just for the joy of discovery.

3. Be Present

Kids don’t worry about yesterday or tomorrow—they’re fully absorbed in the moment. Practice mindfulness by paying attention to your senses, focusing on your breath, or simply savoring life as it happens.

4. Celebrate Small Joys 

Notice the little things that bring you happiness: the warmth of the sun, the taste of your favorite meal, or the laughter of a loved one. Children find magic in the mundane; you can too.

5. Let Go of Self-Consciousness  

Children don’t worry about how they look or whether they’re being judged. Take a cue from them and dance, sing, or express yourself without worrying about others’ opinions.

6. Take Risks

Remember when you were a kid and climbed that tall tree or jumped into the pool without a second thought? As adults, fear of failure often holds us back. Challenge yourself to take small risks, embrace mistakes, and see them as part of the journey.

7. Reconnect with Nature 

Children often feel at home in nature, whether they’re climbing trees, chasing butterflies, or digging in the dirt. They’re barefoot, free, and interested. Spend time outdoors, letting the beauty and simplicity of the natural world inspire you.

8. Laugh Often  

Children laugh hundreds of times a day, while adults average far fewer. Seek out humor, surround yourself with people who make you smile, and don’t be afraid to laugh at yourself.

Living Freely in a Structured World  

Of course, adulthood comes with responsibilities—jobs, bills, and relationships. But living like a child doesn’t mean ignoring those things; it means approaching life with a different mindset. It’s about:

– Balancing Freedom with Responsibility: Doing what needs to be done while carving out time for joy.

– Prioritizing Play and Rest: Treating fun and downtime as essential, not optional.

– Choosing Joy Over Perfection: Letting go of the need to have everything figured out or under control.

A Final Thought 

Living free and joyfully like a child doesn’t mean abandoning adulthood—it means embracing life with open arms and an open heart. It’s about rediscovering the wonder, curiosity, and freedom that make life rich and meaningful.

Ask yourself: “What would the child version of me love to do today?” Then go do it. Life is too short to take too seriously.

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Need Help Reconnecting with Joy?  

If you’re struggling to let go of stress and rediscover your inner child, therapy can help. I’m here to help you explore ways to cultivate freedom, joy, and playfulness in your life. Reach out today to start living more fully and joyfully!

F.O.G. – Fear, Obligation, Guilt

Breaking Free: Why You Shouldn’t Make Decisions Out of Fear, Obligation, or Guilt

Life is full of decisions—big and small. Whether it’s choosing a career path, ending a relationship, or simply saying “no” to a favor, every choice we make shapes the life we live. Yet, too often, we find ourselves making decisions driven by fear, obligation, or guilt (FOG). While these emotions are natural, they can cloud our judgment and lead us down paths that don’t align with our true values and desires.

Let’s explore why making decisions from a place of FOG is problematic and how to move toward more intentional, authentic decision-making.

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Fear: The Trap of What-Ifs

Fear is a survival mechanism to protect us, but it often exaggerates threats and convinces us to stay in our comfort zones. When fear dictates our decisions, we may:

– Stay in unhealthy relationships or jobs because we’re afraid of change.

– Avoid pursuing our dreams because of the risk of failure.

– Say “yes” to things we don’t want to do, fearing rejection or conflict.

The Problem: Decisions made out of fear are often reactive and rooted in self-doubt. They limit growth and can lead to regret or stagnation.

The Shift: Pause and ask yourself, “Am I avoiding this because I genuinely believe it’s the wrong choice, or because I’m scared?” Fear often dissipates when we focus on facts rather than worst-case scenarios.

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Obligation: The Weight of Expectations

Obligation is the sense that we must do something because it’s expected of us. It’s a heavy feeling, often tied to societal norms, family dynamics, or cultural pressures. While responsibility is important, decisions made solely out of obligation can lead to resentment and burnout.

The Problem: When obligation rules our lives, we may feel trapped, undervalued, or disconnected from our true selves. Constantly prioritizing others’ needs over our own leads to an unhealthy pattern of people-pleasing.

The Shift: Reflect on the “why” behind your decision. Is it because you truly want to, or because you feel you should? Setting boundaries is not selfish—it’s necessary for maintaining your well-being.

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Guilt: The Voice of the Inner Critic

Guilt arises when we feel we’ve done—or might do—something wrong. While guilt can be a helpful moral compass, excessive guilt often stems from unrealistic expectations of ourselves. It can push us into decisions that appease others at the expense of our own needs.

The Problem: Guilt-based decisions often reinforce feelings of inadequacy. You might overcommit to make up for perceived shortcomings or avoid speaking your truth to avoid “hurting” someone.

The Shift: Challenge the guilt by asking, “Am I truly responsible for this? Or am I holding myself to an unfair standard?” Practice self-compassion, and remind yourself that saying no doesn’t make you a bad person.

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How to Break Free from FOG Decision-Making

1. Tune Into Your Values: Ask yourself, “What matters most to me in this situation?” Centering your decisions around your core values ensures they align with your authentic self.

2. Pause and Reflect: When you feel fear, obligation, or guilt creeping in, take a moment to pause. Journaling, meditating, or talking with a trusted friend can help clarify your thoughts.

3. Set Boundaries: Saying “no” is a powerful way to take control of your decisions. Practice saying it with kindness but firmness, remembering that your time and energy are limited.

4. Focus on Empowerment: Choose based on what feels right, not what feels easiest or safest. Embrace the discomfort of growth, knowing it leads to long-term fulfillment.

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Living Authentically

When we stop making decisions out of fear, obligation, or guilt, we reclaim our agency. Our lives begin to reflect who we truly are, rather than who we think we need to be for others. This shift isn’t always easy—FOG can be deeply ingrained—but with practice, you can break free and start living a life that feels genuinely yours.

Have you been struggling to navigate FOG in your decision-making? Counseling can help you break free from the cycle. Book an appointment with me and let’s shift this!

Gratitude Lists

Gratitude Lists: A Simple Practice with Powerful Results

In a world that often feels overwhelming, taking a moment to focus on what’s going well can feel like a radical act. Gratitude lists—a simple practice of writing down things you’re thankful for—offer a powerful way to shift your mindset and cultivate a sense of peace and joy.

As a counselor, I’ve seen firsthand how gratitude lists can transform the way we experience life. It’s not about ignoring challenges or pretending everything is perfect. Instead, it’s about finding balance by choosing to notice the good, even in difficult times.

The Science of Gratitude  

Gratitude isn’t just a feel-good buzzword; it has measurable benefits for mental and physical health. Research shows that regularly practicing gratitude can:

– Decrease symptoms of anxiety and depression.

– Improve sleep quality.

– Strengthen relationships and social connections.

– Increase resilience and emotional regulation.

Gratitude helps rewire the brain by encouraging it to focus on positive experiences. This doesn’t mean dismissing negative emotions; it simply means broadening your perspective to include what’s good, too.

How to Start a Gratitude List  

Creating a gratitude list is simple, but like any habit, it requires consistency. Here’s how to get started:

1. Choose Your Medium  

Decide how you want to write your list. Options include:

– A dedicated gratitude journal.

– A notes app on your phone.

– Sticky notes that you can display on your mirror or desk.

2. Set Aside Time  

Consistency is key. Set a specific time to reflect and write your list. Many people find it helpful to do this in the morning to set a positive tone or in the evening to end the day on a high note.

3. Keep It Simple  

Your list doesn’t need to be elaborate. Start with three to five things you’re grateful for. They can be big or small, profound or ordinary. For example:

– A supportive friend.

– The warmth of your morning coffee.

– A moment of quiet before your day began.

4. Be Specific  

Instead of saying, “I’m grateful for my family,” try “I’m grateful for the hug my child gave me this morning.” Specificity deepens the emotional connection to what you’re writing.

5. Expand Beyond the Good

Gratitude doesn’t have to be limited to perfect moments. You can even find gratitude in challenges. For instance:

– “I’m grateful for the lesson I learned from a tough conversation.”

– “I’m thankful I had the strength to get through a hard day.”

Variations to Keep It Fresh  

Gratitude lists are incredibly versatile. If the daily routine starts to feel stale, try these variations:

– Theme Days: Focus on a specific area each day, such as relationships, nature, or personal growth.

– Gratitude Jar: Write each item on a slip of paper and add it to a jar. At the end of the year, review your collection.

– Shared Gratitude: Create a family or household list where everyone contributes something they’re thankful for.

– Photo Gratitude: Instead of writing, take a photo each day of something you’re grateful for.

-Collage Gratitude: Collect magazine pictures and words that represent things you feel grateful for in your own life. Paste into a journal, scrapbook, or poster that you can flip through later.

Overcoming Common Challenges 

“I Can’t Think of Anything.”

Start small. Gratitude doesn’t have to be earth-shattering. Even simple things like “clean water” or “sunshine” are valid and meaningful.

“I’m Too Busy.”

The beauty of gratitude lists is that they can be as brief as you need them to be. Even one minute of reflection can make a difference.

“It Feels Forced.”

If it feels awkward at first, that’s okay. Gratitude is a skill, and like any skill, it gets easier with practice. Over time, you’ll start to notice things to be grateful for without even trying.

The Ripple Effect of Gratitude  

One of the most beautiful aspects of gratitude lists is how they ripple outward. By focusing on the positive, you’re likely to feel more patient, generous, and connected to others. This can improve your relationships, boost your mood, and even inspire those around you to practice gratitude too.

A Quick Gratitude Exercise  

Let’s practice! Take a moment to think about three things you’re grateful for right now. Write them down, say them out loud, or just hold them in your mind. Notice how this small act makes you feel.

Gratitude lists may be simple, but their impact is profound. With just a few minutes each day, you can nurture a habit that brings more positivity, resilience, and joy into your life.

A Longer Gratitude Exercise

Challenge yourself to write a list of 50 or 100 things you’re grateful for. Start writing and don’t stop moving your pen until the page is full!

So, what are you grateful for today?

Understanding Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

Understanding Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

When it comes to therapy and improving mental health, one of the most widely used and effective approaches is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). This evidence-based method is popular for good reason—it’s practical, accessible, and works for a wide range of mental health concerns, including anxiety, depression, trauma, and more. But what exactly is CBT, and how does it help people make positive changes in their lives? Let’s break it down.

What Is CBT?

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is a type of therapy that focuses on the connection between your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. The basic idea is that your thoughts influence how you feel and behave. If you can change your unhelpful thoughts, you can change the way you feel and act.

Imagine this: You have a thought, “I always mess things up.” That thought might lead to feelings of anxiety or sadness. Those feelings could then cause you to avoid challenges or give up easily, reinforcing the original negative thought. This is what therapists call a “negative cycle,” and CBT aims to break that cycle.

CBT helps you identify those unhelpful patterns, challenge them, and replace them with more realistic and constructive thoughts. It’s not about false positivity but about seeing things more clearly and responding in a healthier way.

How CBT Works

CBT is structured and goal-oriented, often involving sessions where you focus on specific issues. During these sessions, your therapist acts as a guide, teaching you how to become more aware of your thoughts and giving you tools to shift them. Here’s a closer look at some of the main components:

1. Identifying Negative Thoughts
The first step in CBT is learning to recognize unhelpful thoughts. These might be automatic thoughts that pop up without you even noticing them. A CBT therapist might ask you to keep a thought journal to track these patterns. For example, if you think “I’m not good enough,” your therapist will help you examine why that thought comes up and how it affects your emotions and behavior.

2. Challenging Negative Thoughts
Once you’ve identified a negative thought, the next step is to challenge it. Is it really true? What evidence do you have for or against this thought? A therapist might help you look at the situation from a different perspective, showing you how your mind can distort reality. For instance, the thought “I’m a failure” can be reframed as “I didn’t do well this time, but that doesn’t mean I’m a failure as a person.”

3. Replacing Negative Thoughts with Realistic Ones
After challenging negative thoughts, CBT encourages you to replace them with more balanced, realistic thoughts. For example:
– Negative Thought: “I’ll never get over this.”
– Realistic Thought: “This is really hard right now, but I’ve gotten through difficult things before, and I can learn how to cope.”

4. Behavioral Strategies
CBT isn’t just about changing your thinking—it’s also about changing your behavior. You might work on breaking avoidance habits, building new routines, or facing your fears step-by-step in a process called “exposure therapy.” For example, if social situations make you anxious, a therapist might guide you through gradual exposure to those situations until they become less overwhelming.

What Can CBT Help With?

CBT is versatile and can be used to address a wide variety of mental health challenges, including:
– Anxiety: CBT can help identify anxious thoughts and develop strategies to manage worry.
– Depression: CBT helps break the cycle of negative thinking and inactivity that can worsen depression.
– Trauma: CBT can be used to change negative thought patterns about past events and change the way they affect you emotionally in the present.
– Relationship Issues: CBT can improve communication and help couples understand how their thoughts impact their interactions.
– Stress: CBT provides tools for managing stress and finding healthier ways to cope.

Many people also use CBT to build general skills for emotional regulation, boost self-esteem, and improve overall mental well-being.

Why CBT Works

One of the reasons CBT is so effective is because it’s practical and hands-on. It gives you tools to shift your thinking. Research shows that CBT can lead to lasting change because it helps you develop new ways of thinking and behaving that become habits over time.

CBT also empowers you to be your own therapist. As you learn more about your thought patterns and how to change them, you become more capable of managing your mental health outside of therapy sessions. This sense of empowerment can be incredibly motivating, leading to greater self-confidence and a sense of control over your life.

Common Techniques Used in CBT

Here are a few specific techniques often used in CBT:

1. Thought Records
Thought records are a way of tracking your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors in response to specific situations. By quickly jotting them down, you can see patterns more clearly and begin to challenge those unhelpful thoughts.

2. Cognitive Restructuring
This is the process of questioning and changing your automatic negative thoughts. It’s about finding more accurate and balanced ways to think about situations.

3. Behavioral Activation
If you’re struggling with depression, behavioral activation involves scheduling enjoyable or meaningful activities to combat low motivation and help break the cycle of isolation or inactivity.

4. Exposure Therapy
For those with anxiety or phobias, exposure therapy involves gradually facing fears in a safe and structured way. This helps reduce fear over time and teaches your brain that the feared situation isn’t as dangerous as it seems.

5. Mindfulness Techniques
Mindfulness is often incorporated into CBT to help people stay grounded in the present moment. It encourages you to observe your thoughts without judgment, which can make it easier to challenge and change them.

What to Expect in a CBT Session

A typical CBT session lasts about 45-60 minutes. At the beginning, you and your therapist will discuss what’s been happening recently and review any patterns that you have noted from tracking in-between sessions. You and your therapist will strategize how you can continue to progress in-between sessions through things like creating a thought diary on your phone, practicing new behaviors, or trying out a relaxation technique.

CBT is collaborative, meaning you and your therapist work together to set goals and decide which strategies to use. This makes it a very active form of therapy—one where you play a key role in your own progress.

How to Get Started with CBT

If you think CBT might be helpful, you can start by finding a licensed therapist who specializes in this approach. Many therapists offer online therapy if meeting in person isn’t an option for you. During your first session, you’ll likely talk about what brings you to therapy and what you’d like to get out of it. Your therapist will help you set goals and create a plan for how to achieve them.

Is CBT Right for You?

CBT isn’t for everyone, and that’s okay. CBT is structured and goal-oriented. If you like practical strategies and want to see measurable progress, CBT could be a great fit. It’s also effective for teens and young adults who may benefit from a more concrete, skills-based approach.

Final Thoughts

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is a straightforward, effective way to improve your mental health. By helping you understand the connection between your thoughts, feelings, and actions, CBT gives you the tools to make meaningful changes in your life. Whether you’re struggling with anxiety, depression, or just want to build better habits, CBT offers a practical path forward.

Remember, it’s not about becoming perfectly positive all the time—it’s about learning to respond to life’s challenges with a clearer, more balanced mindset. So, if you’re curious about CBT, consider reaching out to a therapist who can help you get started. You might be surprised at how quickly small changes in your thinking can lead to big changes in your life.

Feelings are Feedback

What Your Feelings Are Trying to Tell You

Feelings arise for a reason, and they serve as indicators of our internal state. When we start to feel stressed or uneasy, it’s often our mind and body letting us know something isn’t right. Here are a few examples:

Anxiety: Your mind might be warning you that there’s an unresolved issue or that you’re stepping outside your comfort zone. It’s asking you to assess whether the threat is real or perceived.

Sadness: Often, sadness can signal that something meaningful is missing in our lives. It can be a cue to slow down, reflect, and consider what needs healing.

Anger: This intense emotion can alert you to boundaries that have been crossed, whether by someone else or even by yourself. Anger can be a call to action—to set limits or to address unresolved issues.

By viewing emotions as feedback, we start to shift our relationship with them. Instead of pushing them away or trying to numb them, we can begin to see them as helpful signals guiding us toward a deeper understanding of our needs.

 

Learning to Listen to Your Emotions

Often, we are taught to dismiss or suppress our feelings. In fact, society frequently encourages us to “be strong” and push through uncomfortable emotions without really addressing them. However, when we suppress our feelings, they don’t disappear—they find ways to resurface, often in the form of stress, burnout, or even physical health issues.

One of the most empowering things we can do for ourselves is to slow down and learn to listen to our emotions. When we take a moment to reflect on what we’re feeling, we create space for insight. Ask yourself:

 

What am I feeling right now?

What might this emotion be trying to tell me?

Is there something I need to address or change?

It’s important to remember that emotions are not permanent—they will pass. But by giving them attention and treating them as valuable feedback, we can work through them in a healthy way.

 

How Counseling Can Help You Understand Your Emotions

Many people find it challenging to navigate their emotions alone, and that’s where counseling can be a valuable resource. As a licensed professional counselor, I create a safe, supportive space where you can explore your feelings without judgment. Together, we’ll unpack what your emotions are telling you and identify patterns that may be keeping you stuck.

Therapy is not about “fixing” your emotions, but about helping you learn how to work with them, understand their messages, and develop healthier coping strategies. Whether you’re dealing with stress, anxiety, depression, or relationship challenges, I’m here to help you gain clarity and move forward with confidence.

 

You Deserve to Be Heard

If you’ve been struggling with your emotions and are ready to take the next step toward healing, I invite you to reach out. Feelings are feedback, and by understanding them, you can create a life that feels more aligned with your true self. Let’s work together to uncover what your emotions are trying to tell you and how you can live with greater ease, balance, and peace.

Feel free to contact me to schedule a session, and let’s begin this journey together. You don’t have to navigate it alone—I’m here to support you every step of the way.

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