Carrie Jones, LPC - LifeVision Counseling, LLC

Licensed Professional Counselor in Richmond, Virginia

Tag: Depression (Page 2 of 2)

True Self: The Observer

You Are Not Your Thoughts, Feelings, or Body—You Are the Observer

Ever felt overwhelmed by your thoughts or emotions, or caught up in judging your body? Many of us get trapped in our minds, believing that our thoughts, feelings, and sensations define who we are. But the truth is: you are not your thoughts, feelings, or body. You are the observer, the essence behind all those experiences.

This might sound a bit abstract, but it’s a powerful idea that can lead to greater peace and freedom in life. Let’s explore what this means in simple terms and how you can start embracing it.

You Are Not Your Thoughts

Our minds are busy places, constantly generating thoughts—some helpful, some hurtful. You might think, “I’m not smart enough,” or “I always mess up.” When we believe these thoughts, they shape how we feel and act. But here’s the thing: thoughts are not facts. They are just passing ideas.

Think of your thoughts like leaves floating down a stream. Some are light and harmless, others heavy and dark, but they all pass by. You are not those leaves—you are the observer watching them go by.

You Are Not Your Feelings

Feelings can be intense, like waves crashing on the shore. One moment you feel happy, the next overwhelmed with anxiety or sadness. Emotions can be strong, but they come and go. They are part of your experience, but they aren’t you.

Instead of saying, “I am anxious,” try saying, “I am feeling anxious right now.” This small change in language can make a big difference. It reminds you that feelings are temporary, not a permanent part of who you are.

You Are Not Your Sensations

Physical sensations—like a tight chest or a pounding heart—can make us feel uncomfortable or even scared. But just like thoughts and feelings, sensations don’t last forever. They are simply your body’s way of communicating what it’s experiencing.

When you notice sensations without reacting to them, you realize that they don’t define you. They’re just signals passing through your body, and you are the one noticing them.

You Are Not Your Body

It’s easy to identify ourselves with our physical appearance or abilities. We often judge ourselves based on how we look or what we can do. But your body is not who you are—it’s the vessel that carries you through life and it changes shapes and forms many times.

Your true self, your essence, is deeper than your physical form. By observing your body with curiosity and kindness, you can appreciate it without letting it define your worth.

So, Who Are You?

If you’re not your thoughts, feelings, or body, then who are you? You are the observer that watches everything unfold. You are the calm awareness behind every experience, the steady presence that remains, even when everything else is constantly changing.  The observer is the true self and the essence of who you are.

How to Practice Being the Observer

Here are some simple ways to step into the role of the observer:

1. Notice Your Thoughts
When a negative thought pops up, try not to react right away. Instead, acknowledge it: “I’m noticing the thought that I’m not good enough.” This creates a little distance between you and the thought, allowing you to see it for what it is—a temporary idea, not a fact.

2. Acknowledge Your Feelings
When emotions feel overwhelming, name them. “I’m feeling worried right now.” “I’m noticing sadness.” Naming your emotions helps you recognize that they are just passing states, not your identity.

3. Observe Your Sensations
Pay attention to what’s happening in your body without judgment. If you feel tension in your shoulders, simply notice it. Breathe into the sensation, and let yourself feel it fully without trying to change it.

4. Be Mindful of Your Body
Try to see your body as a friend, not a critic. Appreciate it for what it does—moving you, breathing, keeping you alive—rather than what it looks like. This shift in perspective helps you connect with the essence of who you are beyond your physical form.

Why It Matters

Realizing that you are the observer—the essence behind your experiences—can bring a deep sense of peace. It allows you to:
– Respond calmly to challenges instead of reacting impulsively
– Detach from negative thoughts and emotions that don’t serve you
– Accept yourself without judgment, knowing that your worth isn’t defined by your mind or body
– Live with more presence, embracing each moment as it is

Embracing Your True Essence

Understanding that you are not your thoughts, feelings, or body doesn’t mean you ignore them. Instead, it means you relate to them differently. You see them as parts of your experience, not the core of who you are. Your essence—the observer—remains steady no matter what’s happening around or within you.

The next time you find yourself caught in a storm of thoughts or emotions, take a deep breath. Remind yourself that you are the observer. You are the awareness behind the mind’s chatter, the calm presence watching it all unfold. This shift in perspective can help you navigate life’s ups and downs with a little more grace and a lot more peace.

Your true self is the observer.

Understanding Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

Understanding Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

When it comes to therapy and improving mental health, one of the most widely used and effective approaches is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). This evidence-based method is popular for good reason—it’s practical, accessible, and works for a wide range of mental health concerns, including anxiety, depression, trauma, and more. But what exactly is CBT, and how does it help people make positive changes in their lives? Let’s break it down.

What Is CBT?

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is a type of therapy that focuses on the connection between your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. The basic idea is that your thoughts influence how you feel and behave. If you can change your unhelpful thoughts, you can change the way you feel and act.

Imagine this: You have a thought, “I always mess things up.” That thought might lead to feelings of anxiety or sadness. Those feelings could then cause you to avoid challenges or give up easily, reinforcing the original negative thought. This is what therapists call a “negative cycle,” and CBT aims to break that cycle.

CBT helps you identify those unhelpful patterns, challenge them, and replace them with more realistic and constructive thoughts. It’s not about false positivity but about seeing things more clearly and responding in a healthier way.

How CBT Works

CBT is structured and goal-oriented, often involving sessions where you focus on specific issues. During these sessions, your therapist acts as a guide, teaching you how to become more aware of your thoughts and giving you tools to shift them. Here’s a closer look at some of the main components:

1. Identifying Negative Thoughts
The first step in CBT is learning to recognize unhelpful thoughts. These might be automatic thoughts that pop up without you even noticing them. A CBT therapist might ask you to keep a thought journal to track these patterns. For example, if you think “I’m not good enough,” your therapist will help you examine why that thought comes up and how it affects your emotions and behavior.

2. Challenging Negative Thoughts
Once you’ve identified a negative thought, the next step is to challenge it. Is it really true? What evidence do you have for or against this thought? A therapist might help you look at the situation from a different perspective, showing you how your mind can distort reality. For instance, the thought “I’m a failure” can be reframed as “I didn’t do well this time, but that doesn’t mean I’m a failure as a person.”

3. Replacing Negative Thoughts with Realistic Ones
After challenging negative thoughts, CBT encourages you to replace them with more balanced, realistic thoughts. For example:
– Negative Thought: “I’ll never get over this.”
– Realistic Thought: “This is really hard right now, but I’ve gotten through difficult things before, and I can learn how to cope.”

4. Behavioral Strategies
CBT isn’t just about changing your thinking—it’s also about changing your behavior. You might work on breaking avoidance habits, building new routines, or facing your fears step-by-step in a process called “exposure therapy.” For example, if social situations make you anxious, a therapist might guide you through gradual exposure to those situations until they become less overwhelming.

What Can CBT Help With?

CBT is versatile and can be used to address a wide variety of mental health challenges, including:
– Anxiety: CBT can help identify anxious thoughts and develop strategies to manage worry.
– Depression: CBT helps break the cycle of negative thinking and inactivity that can worsen depression.
– Trauma: CBT can be used to change negative thought patterns about past events and change the way they affect you emotionally in the present.
– Relationship Issues: CBT can improve communication and help couples understand how their thoughts impact their interactions.
– Stress: CBT provides tools for managing stress and finding healthier ways to cope.

Many people also use CBT to build general skills for emotional regulation, boost self-esteem, and improve overall mental well-being.

Why CBT Works

One of the reasons CBT is so effective is because it’s practical and hands-on. It gives you tools to shift your thinking. Research shows that CBT can lead to lasting change because it helps you develop new ways of thinking and behaving that become habits over time.

CBT also empowers you to be your own therapist. As you learn more about your thought patterns and how to change them, you become more capable of managing your mental health outside of therapy sessions. This sense of empowerment can be incredibly motivating, leading to greater self-confidence and a sense of control over your life.

Common Techniques Used in CBT

Here are a few specific techniques often used in CBT:

1. Thought Records
Thought records are a way of tracking your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors in response to specific situations. By quickly jotting them down, you can see patterns more clearly and begin to challenge those unhelpful thoughts.

2. Cognitive Restructuring
This is the process of questioning and changing your automatic negative thoughts. It’s about finding more accurate and balanced ways to think about situations.

3. Behavioral Activation
If you’re struggling with depression, behavioral activation involves scheduling enjoyable or meaningful activities to combat low motivation and help break the cycle of isolation or inactivity.

4. Exposure Therapy
For those with anxiety or phobias, exposure therapy involves gradually facing fears in a safe and structured way. This helps reduce fear over time and teaches your brain that the feared situation isn’t as dangerous as it seems.

5. Mindfulness Techniques
Mindfulness is often incorporated into CBT to help people stay grounded in the present moment. It encourages you to observe your thoughts without judgment, which can make it easier to challenge and change them.

What to Expect in a CBT Session

A typical CBT session lasts about 45-60 minutes. At the beginning, you and your therapist will discuss what’s been happening recently and review any patterns that you have noted from tracking in-between sessions. You and your therapist will strategize how you can continue to progress in-between sessions through things like creating a thought diary on your phone, practicing new behaviors, or trying out a relaxation technique.

CBT is collaborative, meaning you and your therapist work together to set goals and decide which strategies to use. This makes it a very active form of therapy—one where you play a key role in your own progress.

How to Get Started with CBT

If you think CBT might be helpful, you can start by finding a licensed therapist who specializes in this approach. Many therapists offer online therapy if meeting in person isn’t an option for you. During your first session, you’ll likely talk about what brings you to therapy and what you’d like to get out of it. Your therapist will help you set goals and create a plan for how to achieve them.

Is CBT Right for You?

CBT isn’t for everyone, and that’s okay. CBT is structured and goal-oriented. If you like practical strategies and want to see measurable progress, CBT could be a great fit. It’s also effective for teens and young adults who may benefit from a more concrete, skills-based approach.

Final Thoughts

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is a straightforward, effective way to improve your mental health. By helping you understand the connection between your thoughts, feelings, and actions, CBT gives you the tools to make meaningful changes in your life. Whether you’re struggling with anxiety, depression, or just want to build better habits, CBT offers a practical path forward.

Remember, it’s not about becoming perfectly positive all the time—it’s about learning to respond to life’s challenges with a clearer, more balanced mindset. So, if you’re curious about CBT, consider reaching out to a therapist who can help you get started. You might be surprised at how quickly small changes in your thinking can lead to big changes in your life.

Comparison: A Sneaky Thief

At first glance, comparison might seem like a helpful motivator. After all, seeing someone succeed or achieve something amazing can inspire us to aim higher, push harder, or explore new paths. It can even give us a short-term boost — a feeling of confidence or satisfaction if we measure up or even surpass others in some way. But comparison has a dark side. What starts as a quick comparison can easily become a habit, and over time, it can start to harm us rather than help. This “sneaky thief” can rob us of joy, satisfaction, and even self-worth.

Let’s take a closer look at how comparison negatively impacts us in the long run and, more importantly, how we can break free from it.

The Hidden Costs of Comparison

1. Temporary Highs, Long-Term Lows

While comparison can sometimes make us feel good, that feeling is usually fleeting. As soon as someone else achieves something “better,” the satisfaction fades, and we find ourselves constantly searching for the next win. It perpetuates false beliefs that we are “not enough.” This cycle of highs and lows can leave us feeling emotionally drained and chronically dissatisfied.

2. Undermining Self-Worth

Constant comparison can erode our self-worth. Instead of appreciating ourselves for who we are, we start measuring our value against someone else’s success, lifestyle, or appearance. This pattern can lead to chronic self-doubt and low self-esteem, as we feel we’re never “enough.”

3. An “Illusion of Lack”

Comparison often tricks us into focusing on what we lack rather than appreciating what we have. We fixate on the things that others seem to have in abundance — be it money, success, beauty, or happiness — and overlook the richness of our own lives. This “illusion of lack” can make us feel that our lives are incomplete or inadequate, even if we have so much to be grateful for.

4. Increased Anxiety and Pressure

When comparison becomes a habit, it can create a constant feeling of pressure. We may feel like we’re in a race we didn’t sign up for, struggling to keep up with others’ achievements or standards, whether we actually want those things or not. This can lead to higher stress levels, anxiety, and even burnout.

5. Strained Relationships

Comparison doesn’t just impact how we see ourselves; it affects how we view others. If we see friends, coworkers, or family members as “competitors,” we’re less likely to connect with them meaningfully. Jealousy and resentment can creep in, creating distance in relationships that would otherwise be supportive and fulfilling.

How to Break Free from the Comparison Trap

Breaking the habit of comparison can take time and conscious effort, but it’s entirely possible. Here are some strategies to help us refocus our energy on what truly matters:

1. Practice Daily Gratitude

Make it a habit to list a few things you’re grateful for each day. Gratitude helps redirect your focus from what you lack to what you have. Over time, this practice builds a mindset of abundance and helps reduce the urge to compare.

2. Define Your Own Success

Take time to define what success means for you based on your values, strengths, and goals. When you have a clear vision of what you want from life, you’ll feel less compelled to measure yourself against someone else’s version of success.

3. Limit Social Media Exposure

Social media is often a highlight reel — not an accurate reflection of reality. Reducing screen time or unfollowing accounts that spark feelings of inadequacy can help lessen the urge to compare. Instead, follow people and pages that genuinely uplift and inspire you.

4. Celebrate Others without Comparison

Practice celebrating other people’s wins without comparing them to your own achievements. This not only helps strengthen your relationships but also reduces the feeling of competition. Genuine happiness for others can be freeing and rewarding.

5. Focus on Self-Compassion

Treat yourself with kindness and understanding. Instead of criticizing yourself for not “measuring up,” practice self-compassion. Recognize that everyone’s journey is unique, and each of us has our own strengths and challenges.

6. Commit to Your Own Path

Rather than asking, “Am I doing better than others?” try asking, “Am I happy?Do I have joy? Am I growing? Am I learning? What do I really want my life to be about?” Shift your focus to yourself and your own path.

Moving Beyond Comparison

Comparison may seem like a harmless habit, but it often steals our peace and clouds our perspective. When we focus on our own path, celebrate our progress, and practice gratitude, we find greater fulfillment and self-acceptance. Embracing these practices lets us reclaim the joy that comparison tries to steal.

Let’s leave comparison behind. Life is too precious to spend it measuring ourselves against others. Instead, let’s choose to live fully, appreciating who we are and celebrating our unique journey.

Seasonal Affective Disorder

As we set the clocks back and watch the days get shorter, it’s easy to feel like winter is taking over. For some of us, the time change and the darker days can bring on a real case of the “winter blues” or Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). But with a few easy (and even fun) habits, you can beat the winter slump and stay cheerful and energized through the season!

What is Seasonal Affective Disorder?

SAD is a type of depression that kicks in when we lose those long, sunny days. With less sunlight, your body’s rhythms and mood can get thrown off, which can make you feel low-energy, grumpy, or craving more carbs than usual (hello, comfort food!). But with the right approach, you can shake off those blues and even find some joy in the cozy season.

Why Daylight Savings Can Make Us Feel Blah

When the clocks “fall back,” we suddenly lose an hour of evening light. That shift can mess with our sleep, routines, and mood, which is why some people feel extra out of it after the time change. But don’t worry—there are simple ways to put you back in charge!

Fun and Easy Ways to Handle SAD

If shorter days start bringing you down, try these simple, positive habits to keep your mood up.

1. Get Your Sunshine Fix

Get outside! When it’s colder, you may be less likely to want to get outdoors, but that might be exactly what helps. Even just 10-15 minutes of being in natural light can boost energy and mood for the rest of the day. Still don’t feel like it? A trusted therapist once lovingly, but bluntly, said, “Ever hear of a coat?” and it was the kickstart I needed to stop making excuses and start getting out there. Plus, a brisk walk is a great way to stay warm!

2. Bring the Light Indoors

Try a light therapy lamp! These little gadgets are a winter lifesaver. They mimic sunlight and can be used from the comfort of your couch or desk. A quick 20-30 minutes in the morning can lift your spirits and make the day feel a little brighter. Think of it as your daily mini-sunshine session.

3. Get Cozy with a Sleep Routine

A steady sleep schedule is key, especially when the time change throws you off. Keep a regular bedtime and aim to get up around the same time every day. Create a cozy bedtime routine, like reading or listening to calming music, to help you drift off happily.

4. Move Your Body, Lift Your Mood

Exercise is a natural mood-booster, but you don’t need a hard workout to get the benefits! Dance around your living room, try a winter sport, or even stretch. Just get moving, and you’ll feel more energized in no time.

5. Socialize (Even If It’s Just a Little)

It can be tempting to stay in, but connecting with others can really lift your spirits. Plan a coffee date or host a game night. Winter is a great time to strengthen bonds and have some laughs with friends or family.

6. Time for Cozy Activities

Break out those indoor activities! Fall and winter are the perfect times to do some crafting, learn to knit, or practice a new language. Grab a comfy blanket, snuggle your sweet pet, and read a book by the fire. Don’t forget the Hallmark channel!

7. Eat Well to Feel Well

Comfort food is cozy, but balance is key. Make sure to include foods that are good for your mood, like fish, nuts, leafy greens, and lean proteins. Avoid sugar overloads, which can lead to crashes that make you feel sluggish.

8. Unwind with Mindfulness

Take a few minutes each day to unwind and center yourself. Whether it’s deep breathing, a short meditation, or just a quiet moment to relax, a little calm can go a long way in lifting your mood and beating winter stress.

9. Reach Out for Extra Support

If the winter blues start to feel overwhelming, remember that you don’t have to go through it alone. A counselor or therapist can offer tools and support to help you feel better and stay on top of your mental health.

Final Thoughts

The winter months don’t have to get you down. By adding a few simple, feel-good habits to your routine, you can stay cheerful, energized, and ready to enjoy the season. So get your morning sun, stay connected, and keep moving—it’s all about finding little ways to bring warmth to winter! And if you need a little extra help, therapy can be a wonderful way to get personalized support for handling seasonal changes.

Winter may bring some challenges, but with these tips, you can make it your coziest, most joyful season yet!

The Power of Gratitude

In today’s fast-paced world, it’s easy to focus on what’s going wrong. Stress at work, personal challenges, and everyday obligations can make us feel overwhelmed. But what if I told you there’s a simple tool that could change your mindset, reduce stress, and even improve your mental health? That tool is gratitude.

As a licensed professional counselor, I’ve seen firsthand how practicing gratitude can make a meaningful difference in the lives of my clients. Gratitude isn’t about ignoring life’s challenges or pretending everything is perfect. Instead, it’s about shifting your focus to the positive aspects of your life, no matter how small they may seem.

What is Gratitude?

Gratitude is the practice of recognizing and appreciating the good in your life. It can be as simple as being thankful for a beautiful sunset, the support of a loved one, or a moment of peace during a hectic day. When we consciously choose to focus on these positive moments, we train our minds to notice more of them, leading to a greater sense of well-being.

The Benefits of Gratitude

Research consistently shows that gratitude has a powerful impact on mental health. Here are just a few of the ways practicing gratitude can benefit you:

  1. Improved Mood: Gratitude can help boost your mood by shifting your focus away from negativity. Regularly reflecting on the good things in your life releases feel-good hormones like serotonin and dopamine, which are key in fighting anxiety and depression.
  2. Better Relationships: Expressing gratitude can improve your relationships by fostering a deeper connection with others. When you acknowledge the kindness and support of those around you, they feel valued and appreciated, leading to stronger bonds.
  3. Reduced Stress: Focusing on what you’re grateful for can lower stress levels. By putting life’s challenges into perspective, gratitude helps you respond to stress in a more balanced way.
  4. Greater Resilience: Gratitude can increase your resilience, helping you bounce back from difficult situations. When you recognize the good, even during tough times, it strengthens your ability to cope with adversity.

How to Cultivate Gratitude in Your Daily Life

Incorporating gratitude into your life doesn’t have to be time-consuming or complicated. Here are a few simple ways to get started:

  • Keep a Gratitude Journal: Each day, write down three things you’re grateful for. They can be big or small—anything that brought a smile to your face or made your day a little brighter.
  • Practice Mindfulness: Take a moment each day to pause and reflect on the present. Notice the little things around you that bring joy—whether it’s the warmth of the sun, the taste of your morning coffee, or the laughter of a friend.
  • Express Gratitude to Others: Don’t just keep your gratitude to yourself. Let the people in your life know you appreciate them. A simple “thank you” or a heartfelt note can go a long way in strengthening your relationships.

Gratitude and Counseling

While gratitude is a powerful tool, it’s not a cure-all for life’s challenges. Some days, it can be hard to feel grateful when you’re dealing with significant stress, anxiety, or personal struggles. This is where counseling can help.

As a licensed counselor, I work with clients to develop personalized strategies that incorporate gratitude into a broader approach to mental wellness. Together, we can explore how gratitude fits into your life, and how it can complement other techniques for managing stress, improving relationships, and building resilience.

If you’re feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or simply looking for ways to improve your mental health, I invite you to reach out. Let’s work together to uncover the tools and practices that will help you lead a more balanced, fulfilling life.

Get in Touch

Ready to explore how gratitude and counseling can work together for your mental health? Contact me today to schedule a consultation. Whether you’re new to therapy or looking for additional support, I’m here to guide you toward a healthier, more positive mindset.

Gratitude is more than just a feel-good exercise—it’s a powerful way to improve your mental health and well-being. By embracing gratitude in your daily life, you can experience greater happiness, lower stress, and stronger relationships. If you’re ready to take the next step on your journey to wellness, I’m here to help. Reach out today, and let’s start working toward a brighter future, together.

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