Carrie Jones, LPC - LifeVision Counseling, LLC

Licensed Professional Counselor in Richmond, Virginia

Tag: Anxiety (Page 2 of 2)

The Power of Journaling

Exploring the Power of Journaling: Methods and Benefits

Journaling has long been celebrated as a powerful tool for self-reflection, personal growth, and emotional well-being. Whether you’re seeking clarity, working through challenges, or simply aiming to document your life, journaling offers countless benefits. The best part? There’s no one “right” way to journal. Let’s explore different journaling methods and the benefits they can bring to your life.

Benefits of Journaling

Before diving into the methods, let’s take a closer look at why journaling is so impactful:

1. Stress Reduction: Journaling provides an outlet to process emotions and release tension, helping to lower stress levels.

2. Enhanced Self-Awareness: Writing about your thoughts and feelings can uncover patterns and deepen your understanding of yourself.

3. Improved Problem-Solving: Putting pen to paper often brings clarity to situations and allows you to brainstorm solutions.

4. Emotional Healing: Journaling can be a safe space to explore and process difficult experiences, promoting emotional healing.

5. Goal Setting and Motivation: Writing down goals and tracking progress can keep you accountable and motivated.

Different Ways to Journal

The beauty of journaling lies in its flexibility. Here are several methods to try:

1. Freewriting

Freewriting is a stream-of-consciousness style where you simply write whatever comes to mind without worrying about structure or grammar. It’s a great way to release pent-up emotions and tap into your subconscious.

How to start: Set a timer for 10–15 minutes and write nonstop. Let your thoughts flow freely, even if they seem random.

2. Gratitude Journaling

Focusing on gratitude can shift your perspective and boost your mood. This method involves listing things you’re grateful for each day.

How to start: Write down 3–5 things you’re grateful for each morning or evening. Be specific—detail why each item brings joy or meaning to your life.

3. Bullet Journaling

This method combines organization and creativity. Bullet journaling uses short, concise entries to track tasks, habits, goals, and reflections.

How to start: Use a blank notebook to create sections for daily tasks, habit trackers, and personal reflections. Personalize it with colors or symbols to suit your style.

4. Prompt-Based Journaling

Using prompts can help you explore specific topics or emotions. It’s especially helpful if you’re unsure what to write about.

How to start: Respond to prompts such as:

– “What are my biggest challenges right now, and how can I overcome them?”

– “What makes me feel alive and fulfilled?”

– “What lessons have I learned from recent experiences?”

5. Emotional Release Journaling

When you’re feeling overwhelmed, this method can help process difficult emotions. Write about what you’re experiencing, why you feel that way, and how you’d like to move forward.

How to start: Choose a specific emotion or situation and describe it in detail. Be honest and compassionate with yourself as you write.

6. Visual Journaling

For those who enjoy drawing or working with visuals, this method incorporates art into the journaling process.

How to start: Use sketches, doodles, or collages to express your thoughts and feelings. Pair your visuals with brief written descriptions if you’d like.

7. Goal-Oriented Journaling

This method focuses on planning, tracking, and reflecting on your goals.

How to start: Write down your short- and long-term goals, break them into actionable steps, and track your progress. Reflect on what’s working and where you can improve.

8. Dream Journaling

Dream journaling helps you remember and analyze your dreams, which can provide insight into your subconscious.

How to start: Keep your journal by your bed and write about your dreams as soon as you wake up. Focus on the emotions, symbols, and recurring themes.

Tips for a Successful Journaling Practice

– Start Small: Begin with a few minutes a day or a few entries a week to build consistency.

– Create a Ritual: Find a time and place where you feel comfortable and free from distractions.

– Write to Get It Out of Your Head: When your thoughts are swirling, write to get it out of your mind and onto paper.

– Be Honest: Write authentically, without judgment. This is your space to be yourself.

– Experiment: Try different methods until you find what resonates with you.

Get Started 

Journaling is a versatile tool that can transform your mental and emotional well-being. Whether you’re looking to process your emotions, gain clarity, or foster creativity, there’s a journaling method that’s right for you.

If you’re new to journaling or want to deepen your practice, consider combining methods or tailoring them to your unique needs. And remember—journaling isn’t about perfection; it’s about showing up for yourself.

So, whether you grab one really nice journal or have several scattered throughout the house like me, just get started. It doesn’t matter if it’s neat, orderly, and organized or scribbled, out of order, and on random pages. Use whatever structure feels good to you.

As a counselor, I often encourage journaling as part of personal growth and emotional healing. If you’d like support in your journey, I’m here to help. Let’s explore how journaling—and counseling—can empower you to live a more fulfilling life.

True Self: The Observer

You Are Not Your Thoughts, Feelings, or Body—You Are the Observer

Ever felt overwhelmed by your thoughts or emotions, or caught up in judging your body? Many of us get trapped in our minds, believing that our thoughts, feelings, and sensations define who we are. But the truth is: you are not your thoughts, feelings, or body. You are the observer, the essence behind all those experiences.

This might sound a bit abstract, but it’s a powerful idea that can lead to greater peace and freedom in life. Let’s explore what this means in simple terms and how you can start embracing it.

You Are Not Your Thoughts

Our minds are busy places, constantly generating thoughts—some helpful, some hurtful. You might think, “I’m not smart enough,” or “I always mess up.” When we believe these thoughts, they shape how we feel and act. But here’s the thing: thoughts are not facts. They are just passing ideas.

Think of your thoughts like leaves floating down a stream. Some are light and harmless, others heavy and dark, but they all pass by. You are not those leaves—you are the observer watching them go by.

You Are Not Your Feelings

Feelings can be intense, like waves crashing on the shore. One moment you feel happy, the next overwhelmed with anxiety or sadness. Emotions can be strong, but they come and go. They are part of your experience, but they aren’t you.

Instead of saying, “I am anxious,” try saying, “I am feeling anxious right now.” This small change in language can make a big difference. It reminds you that feelings are temporary, not a permanent part of who you are.

You Are Not Your Sensations

Physical sensations—like a tight chest or a pounding heart—can make us feel uncomfortable or even scared. But just like thoughts and feelings, sensations don’t last forever. They are simply your body’s way of communicating what it’s experiencing.

When you notice sensations without reacting to them, you realize that they don’t define you. They’re just signals passing through your body, and you are the one noticing them.

You Are Not Your Body

It’s easy to identify ourselves with our physical appearance or abilities. We often judge ourselves based on how we look or what we can do. But your body is not who you are—it’s the vessel that carries you through life and it changes shapes and forms many times.

Your true self, your essence, is deeper than your physical form. By observing your body with curiosity and kindness, you can appreciate it without letting it define your worth.

So, Who Are You?

If you’re not your thoughts, feelings, or body, then who are you? You are the observer that watches everything unfold. You are the calm awareness behind every experience, the steady presence that remains, even when everything else is constantly changing.  The observer is the true self and the essence of who you are.

How to Practice Being the Observer

Here are some simple ways to step into the role of the observer:

1. Notice Your Thoughts
When a negative thought pops up, try not to react right away. Instead, acknowledge it: “I’m noticing the thought that I’m not good enough.” This creates a little distance between you and the thought, allowing you to see it for what it is—a temporary idea, not a fact.

2. Acknowledge Your Feelings
When emotions feel overwhelming, name them. “I’m feeling worried right now.” “I’m noticing sadness.” Naming your emotions helps you recognize that they are just passing states, not your identity.

3. Observe Your Sensations
Pay attention to what’s happening in your body without judgment. If you feel tension in your shoulders, simply notice it. Breathe into the sensation, and let yourself feel it fully without trying to change it.

4. Be Mindful of Your Body
Try to see your body as a friend, not a critic. Appreciate it for what it does—moving you, breathing, keeping you alive—rather than what it looks like. This shift in perspective helps you connect with the essence of who you are beyond your physical form.

Why It Matters

Realizing that you are the observer—the essence behind your experiences—can bring a deep sense of peace. It allows you to:
– Respond calmly to challenges instead of reacting impulsively
– Detach from negative thoughts and emotions that don’t serve you
– Accept yourself without judgment, knowing that your worth isn’t defined by your mind or body
– Live with more presence, embracing each moment as it is

Embracing Your True Essence

Understanding that you are not your thoughts, feelings, or body doesn’t mean you ignore them. Instead, it means you relate to them differently. You see them as parts of your experience, not the core of who you are. Your essence—the observer—remains steady no matter what’s happening around or within you.

The next time you find yourself caught in a storm of thoughts or emotions, take a deep breath. Remind yourself that you are the observer. You are the awareness behind the mind’s chatter, the calm presence watching it all unfold. This shift in perspective can help you navigate life’s ups and downs with a little more grace and a lot more peace.

Your true self is the observer.

Understanding Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

Understanding Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

When it comes to therapy and improving mental health, one of the most widely used and effective approaches is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). This evidence-based method is popular for good reason—it’s practical, accessible, and works for a wide range of mental health concerns, including anxiety, depression, trauma, and more. But what exactly is CBT, and how does it help people make positive changes in their lives? Let’s break it down.

What Is CBT?

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is a type of therapy that focuses on the connection between your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. The basic idea is that your thoughts influence how you feel and behave. If you can change your unhelpful thoughts, you can change the way you feel and act.

Imagine this: You have a thought, “I always mess things up.” That thought might lead to feelings of anxiety or sadness. Those feelings could then cause you to avoid challenges or give up easily, reinforcing the original negative thought. This is what therapists call a “negative cycle,” and CBT aims to break that cycle.

CBT helps you identify those unhelpful patterns, challenge them, and replace them with more realistic and constructive thoughts. It’s not about false positivity but about seeing things more clearly and responding in a healthier way.

How CBT Works

CBT is structured and goal-oriented, often involving sessions where you focus on specific issues. During these sessions, your therapist acts as a guide, teaching you how to become more aware of your thoughts and giving you tools to shift them. Here’s a closer look at some of the main components:

1. Identifying Negative Thoughts
The first step in CBT is learning to recognize unhelpful thoughts. These might be automatic thoughts that pop up without you even noticing them. A CBT therapist might ask you to keep a thought journal to track these patterns. For example, if you think “I’m not good enough,” your therapist will help you examine why that thought comes up and how it affects your emotions and behavior.

2. Challenging Negative Thoughts
Once you’ve identified a negative thought, the next step is to challenge it. Is it really true? What evidence do you have for or against this thought? A therapist might help you look at the situation from a different perspective, showing you how your mind can distort reality. For instance, the thought “I’m a failure” can be reframed as “I didn’t do well this time, but that doesn’t mean I’m a failure as a person.”

3. Replacing Negative Thoughts with Realistic Ones
After challenging negative thoughts, CBT encourages you to replace them with more balanced, realistic thoughts. For example:
– Negative Thought: “I’ll never get over this.”
– Realistic Thought: “This is really hard right now, but I’ve gotten through difficult things before, and I can learn how to cope.”

4. Behavioral Strategies
CBT isn’t just about changing your thinking—it’s also about changing your behavior. You might work on breaking avoidance habits, building new routines, or facing your fears step-by-step in a process called “exposure therapy.” For example, if social situations make you anxious, a therapist might guide you through gradual exposure to those situations until they become less overwhelming.

What Can CBT Help With?

CBT is versatile and can be used to address a wide variety of mental health challenges, including:
– Anxiety: CBT can help identify anxious thoughts and develop strategies to manage worry.
– Depression: CBT helps break the cycle of negative thinking and inactivity that can worsen depression.
– Trauma: CBT can be used to change negative thought patterns about past events and change the way they affect you emotionally in the present.
– Relationship Issues: CBT can improve communication and help couples understand how their thoughts impact their interactions.
– Stress: CBT provides tools for managing stress and finding healthier ways to cope.

Many people also use CBT to build general skills for emotional regulation, boost self-esteem, and improve overall mental well-being.

Why CBT Works

One of the reasons CBT is so effective is because it’s practical and hands-on. It gives you tools to shift your thinking. Research shows that CBT can lead to lasting change because it helps you develop new ways of thinking and behaving that become habits over time.

CBT also empowers you to be your own therapist. As you learn more about your thought patterns and how to change them, you become more capable of managing your mental health outside of therapy sessions. This sense of empowerment can be incredibly motivating, leading to greater self-confidence and a sense of control over your life.

Common Techniques Used in CBT

Here are a few specific techniques often used in CBT:

1. Thought Records
Thought records are a way of tracking your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors in response to specific situations. By quickly jotting them down, you can see patterns more clearly and begin to challenge those unhelpful thoughts.

2. Cognitive Restructuring
This is the process of questioning and changing your automatic negative thoughts. It’s about finding more accurate and balanced ways to think about situations.

3. Behavioral Activation
If you’re struggling with depression, behavioral activation involves scheduling enjoyable or meaningful activities to combat low motivation and help break the cycle of isolation or inactivity.

4. Exposure Therapy
For those with anxiety or phobias, exposure therapy involves gradually facing fears in a safe and structured way. This helps reduce fear over time and teaches your brain that the feared situation isn’t as dangerous as it seems.

5. Mindfulness Techniques
Mindfulness is often incorporated into CBT to help people stay grounded in the present moment. It encourages you to observe your thoughts without judgment, which can make it easier to challenge and change them.

What to Expect in a CBT Session

A typical CBT session lasts about 45-60 minutes. At the beginning, you and your therapist will discuss what’s been happening recently and review any patterns that you have noted from tracking in-between sessions. You and your therapist will strategize how you can continue to progress in-between sessions through things like creating a thought diary on your phone, practicing new behaviors, or trying out a relaxation technique.

CBT is collaborative, meaning you and your therapist work together to set goals and decide which strategies to use. This makes it a very active form of therapy—one where you play a key role in your own progress.

How to Get Started with CBT

If you think CBT might be helpful, you can start by finding a licensed therapist who specializes in this approach. Many therapists offer online therapy if meeting in person isn’t an option for you. During your first session, you’ll likely talk about what brings you to therapy and what you’d like to get out of it. Your therapist will help you set goals and create a plan for how to achieve them.

Is CBT Right for You?

CBT isn’t for everyone, and that’s okay. CBT is structured and goal-oriented. If you like practical strategies and want to see measurable progress, CBT could be a great fit. It’s also effective for teens and young adults who may benefit from a more concrete, skills-based approach.

Final Thoughts

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is a straightforward, effective way to improve your mental health. By helping you understand the connection between your thoughts, feelings, and actions, CBT gives you the tools to make meaningful changes in your life. Whether you’re struggling with anxiety, depression, or just want to build better habits, CBT offers a practical path forward.

Remember, it’s not about becoming perfectly positive all the time—it’s about learning to respond to life’s challenges with a clearer, more balanced mindset. So, if you’re curious about CBT, consider reaching out to a therapist who can help you get started. You might be surprised at how quickly small changes in your thinking can lead to big changes in your life.

People-Pleasing 101

Understanding People-Pleasing

People-pleasing is the habit of putting others’ needs, feelings, and desires above your own, often sacrificing personal well-being to maintain harmony or gain approval. While people-pleasers often have the best intentions, chronic self-neglect and a need to be liked or validated can lead to stress, anxiety, and a weakened sense of self. A key aspect that fuels people-pleasing behavior is empathy—the natural ability to sense and feel what others are experiencing. While empathy is a valuable gift, it can contribute to the cycle of people-pleasing if not balanced with strong boundaries.

The Roots of People-Pleasing Behavior

People-pleasing tendencies often stem from early life experiences, social conditioning, and personality traits, particularly in highly empathetic individuals who are naturally attuned to others’ emotions. Here are some of the main sources of people-pleasing:

  1. Childhood Dynamics: In families where love and approval are given in exchange for compliance or “good” behavior, children learn early on that their worth is tied to pleasing others. This behavior becomes a way to gain affection or avoid punishment, leading to a reliance on external validation for self-worth. Children in such environments often carry people-pleasing habits into adulthood.
  2. Empathy and Sensitivity: Highly empathetic people feel others’ emotions strongly, which can make them more sensitive to others’ needs and discomfort. While empathy is generally a gift and a strength, it can make you more susceptible to people-pleasing. The natural instinct to help or alleviate discomfort in others can become a habit of overextending, even to the point of self-sacrifice.
  3. Cultural and Gender Norms: Society often places expectations on women and marginalized groups to adopt nurturing or agreeable roles, rewarding them for being accommodating. People who grow up internalizing these messages may develop people-pleasing behaviors to fit the mold of being “nice,” “helpful,” or “selfless.”
  4. Fear of Conflict or Rejection: For many, people-pleasing is a way to avoid uncomfortable situations or prevent rejection. The discomfort of disappointing others can feel overwhelming, especially for highly empathetic people who instinctively want to avoid causing hurt or distress in others.
  5. Reward Pathways in the Brain: Receiving approval or praise activates the brain’s reward centers, reinforcing people-pleasing behavior. Over time, people-pleasers learn to seek out these “rewards” for self-worth, leading to a cycle of seeking external validation at the expense of personal needs.

The Development and Effects of People-Pleasing Patterns

As people-pleasing becomes ingrained, it often leads to significant personal costs, including:

  1. Loss of Self-Identity: People-pleasers may begin to lose touch with their own needs, desires, and opinions, as they focus solely on those of others. They often struggle to understand their own boundaries, and this self-neglect can result in a weakened sense of identity.
  2. Chronic Stress and Burnout: Constantly prioritizing others’ needs is exhausting. Over time, this self-sacrifice can lead to stress, anxiety, and even physical health issues as people neglect their own well-being.
  3. Unbalanced Relationships: In relationships where people-pleasing is a dominant behavior, the dynamic often becomes one-sided. This imbalance can lead to resentment and feelings of being undervalued, as people-pleasers often give much more than they receive.
  4. Impact on Self-Esteem: People-pleasers may develop low self-worth from relying on others’ approval for validation. When validation isn’t forthcoming, or relationships become strained, they may feel a profound sense of inadequacy or self-doubt.

Empathy’s Role in People-Pleasing

Empathy is one of the primary reasons people develop people-pleasing habits. People who are naturally empathetic often sense when others are in distress, disappointed, or frustrated, and they feel compelled to help. This can make it difficult to set boundaries, as they instinctively want to “fix” others’ discomfort—even if it comes at a personal cost. However, while empathy can drive people-pleasing, it’s also a quality that can support healthy, authentic relationships if balanced with self-compassion and assertiveness.

Breaking the People-Pleasing Pattern

Changing people-pleasing behavior requires self-awareness, boundary-setting, and practice. Here are strategies to help break free from the cycle while preserving the positive aspects of empathy:

  1. Build Self-Awareness: Pay attention to moments when people-pleasing tendencies arise. Ask yourself what emotions or fears are driving your urge to say “yes” or accommodate. Is it a genuine desire to help, or are you afraid of disappointing someone? Journaling or working with a therapist can help clarify these triggers and create a foundation for change.
  2. Practice Self-Compassion: Often, people-pleasers lack self-compassion, judging themselves harshly if they feel they’ve “failed” someone. Remind yourself that your needs and feelings are just as valid as others’. Self-compassion involves treating yourself with the same kindness and respect you offer to others.
  3. Reframe Empathy as a Strength with Limits: Empathy doesn’t have to mean self-sacrifice. Learning to recognize others’ feelings without taking responsibility for their happiness is crucial. Healthy empathy respects others’ emotions while also honoring your own needs and boundaries.
  4. Set Boundaries Gradually: Start by setting small boundaries that don’t feel too intimidating, like declining minor requests or taking time for yourself. Gradually work up to establishing more significant boundaries in relationships. With practice, setting boundaries will feel more natural, and people will adjust to the new dynamic.
  5. Reinterpret Discomfort as Growth: It’s natural to feel uncomfortable when breaking a long-standing pattern. Instead of interpreting this discomfort as failure or inadequacy, view it as a sign of personal growth. Over time, each “no” will become easier, and you’ll feel more confident asserting your needs.
  6. Reevaluate Relationships: Surround yourself with people who respect and value your boundaries. Relationships where mutual respect and honesty are present will support your journey away from people-pleasing and foster a sense of security in showing up as your true self.
  7. Seek Support from a Professional: A therapist or counselor can offer valuable tools to navigate the complexities of people-pleasing. Therapy can help you identify underlying beliefs, build self-worth, and learn practical skills to assert your needs.

Final Thoughts

People-pleasing often begins as a coping mechanism in response to early family dynamics, societal expectations, and personal traits like empathy. While empathy is a beautiful and essential quality, it can lead to patterns of self-sacrifice if not balanced with strong boundaries and self-care. By practicing self-awareness, redefining self-worth, and developing healthy boundaries, you can break free from the people-pleasing cycle while still nurturing empathy in a way that honors both your needs and those of others.

Mindfulness

Mindfulness—it’s one of those buzzwords that seems to be everywhere lately, right? But there’s a reason for it. Mindfulness is all about learning to live in the *now* instead of getting lost in what happened yesterday or what might happen tomorrow. It’s a simple practice that can make life a lot less stressful and way more satisfying.

So, what’s the deal with mindfulness, and how can you actually put it to use in your day-to-day life? Let’s break it down.

Why Practice Mindfulness?

At its core, mindfulness is about paying attention to what’s going on right now without judging it. When you get good at it, you start responding to life with a little more calm and a little less panic. Here are some great reasons to give it a try:

1. Breathe Away Stress: Mindfulness can help you take a step back when things get intense, instead of letting stress take over. Think of it as a pause button that lets you chill for a second and reset.

2. Boost Focus & Get More Done: When you’re constantly thinking about 10 things at once, it’s tough to focus on the one thing you’re actually doing. Mindfulness trains you to focus on one thing at a time, making life feel less chaotic.

3. Build Emotional Strength: Life throws a lot of emotions at us, but mindfulness can help you manage them instead of getting swept away. You get better at observing how you feel and responding, instead of reacting.

4. Better Relationships: Ever had a conversation where you feel like the other person isn’t really *there*? Mindfulness helps you truly listen and be present, which makes you a better friend, partner, or coworker.

5. Show Yourself Some Kindness: We’re often our own worst critics. Mindfulness helps you notice when you’re being hard on yourself and encourages a kinder, more forgiving mindset.

Easy Ways to Start Practicing Mindfulness

So, how do you actually do it? Here are some fun, no-fuss ways to get started with mindfulness:

1. Breathe Your Way to Calm

The easiest way to practice mindfulness is just by breathing. Here’s how to do it:

– Sit comfortably, close your eyes if it helps, and take a few slow, deep breaths.

– Focus on your breathing—the feeling of the air going in and out.

– When your mind wanders (and it will!), just gently bring it back to your breathing.

Start with a minute or two. You’ll be surprised how refreshed it makes you feel.

2. Try a Body Scan

This is great for unwinding, especially before bed. Think of it as a mental check-in with your body:

– Lie down, close your eyes, and take a few breaths.

– Start at your head and work your way down, noticing any tension or soreness.

– Don’t try to change anything, just observe. You’re tuning in, not fixing!

Body scans can be super relaxing and help you fall asleep faster.

3. Practice Mindful Eating

Next time you eat, slow it down and really enjoy it. Here’s how:

– Notice the colors, smells, and textures of your food before taking a bite.

– When you take a bite, pay attention to the taste and feel of the food in your mouth.

– Savor each bite, rather than rushing through the meal.

Mindful eating makes food taste better and even helps you avoid overeating because you’re more in tune with how full you feel.

4. Take a Mindful Walk

You don’t need to sit still to be mindful! Walking meditation is an awesome way to connect with the moment:

– Find a peaceful spot, indoors or outside, and walk slowly.

– Notice how your feet hit the ground and how your body shifts with each step.

– Focus on each movement, and when your mind wanders, gently bring it back to your steps.

Walking meditation is great for calming down and makes a walk feel like a mini-vacation.

5. Use the 5-4-3-2-1 Technique

This is a quick go-to if you’re feeling overwhelmed or stressed out. It’s all about using your senses to ground yourself:

– Look around and find 5 things you can see.

– Notice 4 things you can feel (like the warmth of your sweater or the floor under your feet).

– Listen for 3 things you can hear.

– Take in 2 things you can smell.

– Notice 1 thing you can taste, or take a sip of water if nothing comes to mind.

This exercise is a lifesaver when you need to snap back into the present.

Making Mindfulness a Habit

Mindfulness doesn’t need to be complicated, and you don’t have to be perfect at it. The goal isn’t to feel calm all the time—it’s to be more aware, more often, so you can handle whatever comes your way with a little more grace. Start small and be patient. Even a few mindful moments each day can make a huge difference over time.

So go ahead—give one or two of these exercises a try. Notice what happens when you bring your focus back to the present, even just for a few minutes. Mindfulness can help you savor life’s little moments and tackle the tough ones with a lot more ease.

Comparison: A Sneaky Thief

At first glance, comparison might seem like a helpful motivator. After all, seeing someone succeed or achieve something amazing can inspire us to aim higher, push harder, or explore new paths. It can even give us a short-term boost — a feeling of confidence or satisfaction if we measure up or even surpass others in some way. But comparison has a dark side. What starts as a quick comparison can easily become a habit, and over time, it can start to harm us rather than help. This “sneaky thief” can rob us of joy, satisfaction, and even self-worth.

Let’s take a closer look at how comparison negatively impacts us in the long run and, more importantly, how we can break free from it.

The Hidden Costs of Comparison

1. Temporary Highs, Long-Term Lows

While comparison can sometimes make us feel good, that feeling is usually fleeting. As soon as someone else achieves something “better,” the satisfaction fades, and we find ourselves constantly searching for the next win. It perpetuates false beliefs that we are “not enough.” This cycle of highs and lows can leave us feeling emotionally drained and chronically dissatisfied.

2. Undermining Self-Worth

Constant comparison can erode our self-worth. Instead of appreciating ourselves for who we are, we start measuring our value against someone else’s success, lifestyle, or appearance. This pattern can lead to chronic self-doubt and low self-esteem, as we feel we’re never “enough.”

3. An “Illusion of Lack”

Comparison often tricks us into focusing on what we lack rather than appreciating what we have. We fixate on the things that others seem to have in abundance — be it money, success, beauty, or happiness — and overlook the richness of our own lives. This “illusion of lack” can make us feel that our lives are incomplete or inadequate, even if we have so much to be grateful for.

4. Increased Anxiety and Pressure

When comparison becomes a habit, it can create a constant feeling of pressure. We may feel like we’re in a race we didn’t sign up for, struggling to keep up with others’ achievements or standards, whether we actually want those things or not. This can lead to higher stress levels, anxiety, and even burnout.

5. Strained Relationships

Comparison doesn’t just impact how we see ourselves; it affects how we view others. If we see friends, coworkers, or family members as “competitors,” we’re less likely to connect with them meaningfully. Jealousy and resentment can creep in, creating distance in relationships that would otherwise be supportive and fulfilling.

How to Break Free from the Comparison Trap

Breaking the habit of comparison can take time and conscious effort, but it’s entirely possible. Here are some strategies to help us refocus our energy on what truly matters:

1. Practice Daily Gratitude

Make it a habit to list a few things you’re grateful for each day. Gratitude helps redirect your focus from what you lack to what you have. Over time, this practice builds a mindset of abundance and helps reduce the urge to compare.

2. Define Your Own Success

Take time to define what success means for you based on your values, strengths, and goals. When you have a clear vision of what you want from life, you’ll feel less compelled to measure yourself against someone else’s version of success.

3. Limit Social Media Exposure

Social media is often a highlight reel — not an accurate reflection of reality. Reducing screen time or unfollowing accounts that spark feelings of inadequacy can help lessen the urge to compare. Instead, follow people and pages that genuinely uplift and inspire you.

4. Celebrate Others without Comparison

Practice celebrating other people’s wins without comparing them to your own achievements. This not only helps strengthen your relationships but also reduces the feeling of competition. Genuine happiness for others can be freeing and rewarding.

5. Focus on Self-Compassion

Treat yourself with kindness and understanding. Instead of criticizing yourself for not “measuring up,” practice self-compassion. Recognize that everyone’s journey is unique, and each of us has our own strengths and challenges.

6. Commit to Your Own Path

Rather than asking, “Am I doing better than others?” try asking, “Am I happy?Do I have joy? Am I growing? Am I learning? What do I really want my life to be about?” Shift your focus to yourself and your own path.

Moving Beyond Comparison

Comparison may seem like a harmless habit, but it often steals our peace and clouds our perspective. When we focus on our own path, celebrate our progress, and practice gratitude, we find greater fulfillment and self-acceptance. Embracing these practices lets us reclaim the joy that comparison tries to steal.

Let’s leave comparison behind. Life is too precious to spend it measuring ourselves against others. Instead, let’s choose to live fully, appreciating who we are and celebrating our unique journey.

Everything We Do Is About Emotions

Our choices may seem grounded in logic or practicality, but if you peel back the layers, you’ll find that they’re ultimately motivated by emotion. Beneath all our ambitions, relationships, and daily routines lies one simple truth: everything we do is an attempt to get closer to the emotions we want to feel.

Let’s unpack this idea by exploring how emotions shape our lives and the decisions we make.

# 1. **Our Goals Are Guided by Feelings**
– Imagine someone setting a career goal to earn a six-figure salary or even seven figures. At a glance, this goal seems driven by money, but the real driver is the emotional satisfaction they believe this will bring—perhaps feelings of security, pride, or the validation of their worth. If someone is aiming for a promotion or a fitness milestone, what’s at the core is often not the status or the health benefit but the feeling of accomplishment and confidence they expect to experience.

– Emotions like happiness, satisfaction, and fulfillment serve as the underlying motives for our aspirations. Our goals are less about the end achievement itself and more about the way we hope to feel when we reach them.

# 2. **Relationships and Emotional Fulfillment**
– Why do we seek relationships? Humans are inherently social, but we also crave emotional bonds because they offer a profound sense of love, belonging, and joy. Whether it’s friendship, romantic partnership, or family, relationships are largely about creating and sustaining feelings that make life richer and more meaningful.

– Even our interactions with acquaintances, neighbors, or coworkers are often influenced by how they make us feel. We gravitate towards people who make us feel good and avoid those who don’t. When we connect with others, we’re subconsciously choosing the emotions we want to welcome into our lives.

# 3. **Career Choices and Personal Satisfaction**
– People often assume careers are chosen based on practicality—what we’re good at or what will pay the bills. But deep down, we choose careers that make us feel accomplished, useful, or purposeful. For instance, someone may choose a career in teaching because it makes them feel they’re contributing positively to society, not necessarily for the paycheck.

– In jobs where these emotional needs go unmet, people frequently report dissatisfaction, burnout, and a desire to change paths. Ultimately, career decisions are often based on a quest for the emotions associated with fulfillment, respect, or purpose.

# 4. **Hobbies, Passions, and Joyful Moments**
– We engage in hobbies and passions not because they are essential for survival but because they evoke pleasure, creativity, or relaxation. Whether someone loves painting, gardening, or playing sports, each of these pursuits is rooted in the emotions they inspire.

– Moments of joy and flow—the times we lose ourselves in something we love—are powerful emotional experiences that keep us coming back for more. Our free time is shaped by what makes us feel the most alive and satisfied.

# 5. **The Link Between Emotions and Consumption**
– Consumption isn’t just about meeting physical needs; it’s deeply tied to our emotions. We buy things to feel a certain way. Whether it’s a new gadget, a designer bag, or even food, we often choose items based on how they’ll make us feel rather than pure necessity.

– Marketing and advertising strategies hinge on this fact. They don’t sell the product itself—they sell the emotions associated with owning that product: success, luxury, comfort, and sometimes even nostalgia or excitement. Our consumption patterns highlight how much we’re driven by the emotions we want to experience.

# 6. **Avoidance of Negative Emotions**
– Just as much as we’re motivated to chase positive emotions, we’re also motivated to avoid negative ones. This avoidance can influence our behavior just as strongly, if not more so, than the pursuit of positive feelings. We avoid confrontation because we want to sidestep discomfort. We might procrastinate on tasks that create stress. Or we steer clear of certain environments or people that bring us anxiety or frustration.

– This constant balancing act—seeking the emotions we want and dodging the ones we don’t—explains much of our daily decision-making. We’re hardwired to avoid discomfort, even if it sometimes leads to missed opportunities or delayed progress.

# 7. **Emotional Awareness as a Key to Fulfillment**
– Understanding that our actions are driven by emotional needs can empower us to make more intentional choices. When we recognize that what we’re really after is a specific feeling, we can adjust our goals and actions in ways that actually bring us closer to those emotions.

– Instead of assuming external achievements will automatically make us happy, we can focus on cultivating the feelings of fulfillment, joy, or love in our current circumstances. We might still work toward goals, but we’re no longer placing all of our emotional well-being on the idea that they alone will bring happiness.

**Emotions Are the Compass of Life**

When we come to terms with how emotions drive our choices, it can be a transformative realization. Everything from the big life decisions down to the tiny daily habits is influenced by how we want to feel. And when we start acting with this awareness, we can begin aligning our lives with what truly matters to us emotionally.

Understanding this can help us become more compassionate toward ourselves and others. Everyone is, in essence, pursuing the emotions they most desire, even if they don’t always know it. When we accept this, we can start living with a more intentional approach, taking each step with the clarity that we’re not just chasing goals—we’re chasing the way we want to feel.

Just Breathe

Understanding the Breath-Mood Connection

Breathing is an automatic process controlled by the autonomic nervous system (ANS), which is responsible for regulating involuntary bodily functions like heart rate, digestion, and respiratory rate. The ANS is divided into two key parts:

Sympathetic Nervous System (SNS) – often called the “fight or flight” system, which triggers stress responses.

Parasympathetic Nervous System (PNS) – known as the “rest and digest” system, which promotes relaxation and recovery.

When we’re stressed or anxious, the SNS dominates, causing rapid heart rate, shallow breathing, and increased muscle tension. However, deep, controlled breathing activates the PNS, which can counteract these stress responses. This shift helps calm the body and mind, reducing the effects of anxiety and improving mood.

The Science Behind Breathing and Mood Regulation

Research has shown that specific breathing exercises have measurable effects on brain function and emotional regulation. Here’s how it works:

Oxygenation and Brain Function

Deep breathing enhances oxygen flow to the brain, which is vital for clear thinking and emotional balance. When the brain receives sufficient oxygen, it can function more efficiently, improving focus and decreasing feelings of overwhelm. Studies show that increased oxygenation can help regulate the activity of the amygdala, the part of the brain responsible for fear and emotional responses.

Lowering Cortisol Levels

Cortisol, often referred to as the “stress hormone,” is released when we experience tension or anxiety. While it plays an essential role in the body’s stress response, prolonged high levels can lead to mood disturbances such as anxiety and depression. Breathing exercises, particularly diaphragmatic breathing (deep belly breathing), have been found to lower cortisol levels, promoting a sense of calm and well-being.

Balancing the Autonomic Nervous System

Breathing deeply and slowly activates the vagus nerve, a key component of the parasympathetic nervous system. The vagus nerve helps reduce heart rate, lower blood pressure, and produce a calming effect on the body. Research shows that stimulating this nerve can increase the production of neurotransmitters like GABA (gamma-aminobutyric acid), which has a calming, mood-enhancing effect.

Releasing Endorphins

Deep breathing can trigger the release of endorphins, the body’s natural “feel-good” chemicals. These neurotransmitters help reduce pain perception and improve mood. Endorphins also contribute to the feeling of relaxation often experienced after completing breathing exercises.

Types of Breathing Exercises to Improve Mood

Here are a few breathing techniques that can be easily incorporated into your daily routine to improve mood and manage stress:

Diaphragmatic Breathing (also called belly breathing)

Sit or lie down in a comfortable position.

Place one hand on your chest and the other on your abdomen.

Inhale deeply through your nose, allowing your belly to rise as your diaphragm expands. Your chest should remain relatively still.

Exhale slowly through your mouth, feeling your belly fall.

Repeat for 5-10 minutes.

This method helps engage the parasympathetic nervous system and lower cortisol levels.

4-7-8 Breathing

Inhale through your nose for a count of 4.

Hold the breath for a count of 7.

Exhale slowly through your mouth for a count of 8.

Repeat the cycle 4 times.

This technique is particularly useful for reducing anxiety and improving sleep quality.

Box Breathing (also known as square breathing)

Inhale through your nose for 4 counts.

Hold your breath for 4 counts.

Exhale slowly for 4 counts.

Hold your breath for another 4 counts.

Repeat the cycle for several minutes.

Box breathing helps center your thoughts and reduce mental chatter, promoting a sense of calm and focus.

Breathing Exercises in Practice

You don’t need to wait until you’re feeling overwhelmed to practice breathing exercises. Integrating these techniques into your daily routine—whether in the morning, during breaks at work, or before bed—can make a significant difference in how you manage stress and experience your emotions.

The best part? Breathing exercises require no special equipment or a lot of time. They can be done anywhere and at any time, making them an easy and effective tool for enhancing mental well-being.

Breathing is more than just a physical necessity; it’s a bridge between the body and mind. The scientific evidence behind breathing exercises shows how this simple, natural process can have profound effects on emotional regulation, mood improvement, and stress management. By incorporating mindful breathing techniques into your routine, you can take control of your mood, lower stress, and feel more balanced in your everyday life.

Take a deep breath—you’ve got this!

 

 

Feelings are Feedback

What Your Feelings Are Trying to Tell You

Feelings arise for a reason, and they serve as indicators of our internal state. When we start to feel stressed or uneasy, it’s often our mind and body letting us know something isn’t right. Here are a few examples:

Anxiety: Your mind might be warning you that there’s an unresolved issue or that you’re stepping outside your comfort zone. It’s asking you to assess whether the threat is real or perceived.

Sadness: Often, sadness can signal that something meaningful is missing in our lives. It can be a cue to slow down, reflect, and consider what needs healing.

Anger: This intense emotion can alert you to boundaries that have been crossed, whether by someone else or even by yourself. Anger can be a call to action—to set limits or to address unresolved issues.

By viewing emotions as feedback, we start to shift our relationship with them. Instead of pushing them away or trying to numb them, we can begin to see them as helpful signals guiding us toward a deeper understanding of our needs.

 

Learning to Listen to Your Emotions

Often, we are taught to dismiss or suppress our feelings. In fact, society frequently encourages us to “be strong” and push through uncomfortable emotions without really addressing them. However, when we suppress our feelings, they don’t disappear—they find ways to resurface, often in the form of stress, burnout, or even physical health issues.

One of the most empowering things we can do for ourselves is to slow down and learn to listen to our emotions. When we take a moment to reflect on what we’re feeling, we create space for insight. Ask yourself:

 

What am I feeling right now?

What might this emotion be trying to tell me?

Is there something I need to address or change?

It’s important to remember that emotions are not permanent—they will pass. But by giving them attention and treating them as valuable feedback, we can work through them in a healthy way.

 

How Counseling Can Help You Understand Your Emotions

Many people find it challenging to navigate their emotions alone, and that’s where counseling can be a valuable resource. As a licensed professional counselor, I create a safe, supportive space where you can explore your feelings without judgment. Together, we’ll unpack what your emotions are telling you and identify patterns that may be keeping you stuck.

Therapy is not about “fixing” your emotions, but about helping you learn how to work with them, understand their messages, and develop healthier coping strategies. Whether you’re dealing with stress, anxiety, depression, or relationship challenges, I’m here to help you gain clarity and move forward with confidence.

 

You Deserve to Be Heard

If you’ve been struggling with your emotions and are ready to take the next step toward healing, I invite you to reach out. Feelings are feedback, and by understanding them, you can create a life that feels more aligned with your true self. Let’s work together to uncover what your emotions are trying to tell you and how you can live with greater ease, balance, and peace.

Feel free to contact me to schedule a session, and let’s begin this journey together. You don’t have to navigate it alone—I’m here to support you every step of the way.

The Power of Gratitude

In today’s fast-paced world, it’s easy to focus on what’s going wrong. Stress at work, personal challenges, and everyday obligations can make us feel overwhelmed. But what if I told you there’s a simple tool that could change your mindset, reduce stress, and even improve your mental health? That tool is gratitude.

As a licensed professional counselor, I’ve seen firsthand how practicing gratitude can make a meaningful difference in the lives of my clients. Gratitude isn’t about ignoring life’s challenges or pretending everything is perfect. Instead, it’s about shifting your focus to the positive aspects of your life, no matter how small they may seem.

What is Gratitude?

Gratitude is the practice of recognizing and appreciating the good in your life. It can be as simple as being thankful for a beautiful sunset, the support of a loved one, or a moment of peace during a hectic day. When we consciously choose to focus on these positive moments, we train our minds to notice more of them, leading to a greater sense of well-being.

The Benefits of Gratitude

Research consistently shows that gratitude has a powerful impact on mental health. Here are just a few of the ways practicing gratitude can benefit you:

  1. Improved Mood: Gratitude can help boost your mood by shifting your focus away from negativity. Regularly reflecting on the good things in your life releases feel-good hormones like serotonin and dopamine, which are key in fighting anxiety and depression.
  2. Better Relationships: Expressing gratitude can improve your relationships by fostering a deeper connection with others. When you acknowledge the kindness and support of those around you, they feel valued and appreciated, leading to stronger bonds.
  3. Reduced Stress: Focusing on what you’re grateful for can lower stress levels. By putting life’s challenges into perspective, gratitude helps you respond to stress in a more balanced way.
  4. Greater Resilience: Gratitude can increase your resilience, helping you bounce back from difficult situations. When you recognize the good, even during tough times, it strengthens your ability to cope with adversity.

How to Cultivate Gratitude in Your Daily Life

Incorporating gratitude into your life doesn’t have to be time-consuming or complicated. Here are a few simple ways to get started:

  • Keep a Gratitude Journal: Each day, write down three things you’re grateful for. They can be big or small—anything that brought a smile to your face or made your day a little brighter.
  • Practice Mindfulness: Take a moment each day to pause and reflect on the present. Notice the little things around you that bring joy—whether it’s the warmth of the sun, the taste of your morning coffee, or the laughter of a friend.
  • Express Gratitude to Others: Don’t just keep your gratitude to yourself. Let the people in your life know you appreciate them. A simple “thank you” or a heartfelt note can go a long way in strengthening your relationships.

Gratitude and Counseling

While gratitude is a powerful tool, it’s not a cure-all for life’s challenges. Some days, it can be hard to feel grateful when you’re dealing with significant stress, anxiety, or personal struggles. This is where counseling can help.

As a licensed counselor, I work with clients to develop personalized strategies that incorporate gratitude into a broader approach to mental wellness. Together, we can explore how gratitude fits into your life, and how it can complement other techniques for managing stress, improving relationships, and building resilience.

If you’re feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or simply looking for ways to improve your mental health, I invite you to reach out. Let’s work together to uncover the tools and practices that will help you lead a more balanced, fulfilling life.

Get in Touch

Ready to explore how gratitude and counseling can work together for your mental health? Contact me today to schedule a consultation. Whether you’re new to therapy or looking for additional support, I’m here to guide you toward a healthier, more positive mindset.

Gratitude is more than just a feel-good exercise—it’s a powerful way to improve your mental health and well-being. By embracing gratitude in your daily life, you can experience greater happiness, lower stress, and stronger relationships. If you’re ready to take the next step on your journey to wellness, I’m here to help. Reach out today, and let’s start working toward a brighter future, together.

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