Category: Psychotherapy (Page 4 of 5)

Mindfulness

Mindfulness—it’s one of those buzzwords that seems to be everywhere lately, right? But there’s a reason for it. Mindfulness is all about learning to live in the *now* instead of getting lost in what happened yesterday or what might happen tomorrow. It’s a simple practice that can make life a lot less stressful and way more satisfying.

So, what’s the deal with mindfulness, and how can you actually put it to use in your day-to-day life? Let’s break it down.

Why Practice Mindfulness?

At its core, mindfulness is about paying attention to what’s going on right now without judging it. When you get good at it, you start responding to life with a little more calm and a little less panic. Here are some great reasons to give it a try:

1. Breathe Away Stress: Mindfulness can help you take a step back when things get intense, instead of letting stress take over. Think of it as a pause button that lets you chill for a second and reset.

2. Boost Focus & Get More Done: When you’re constantly thinking about 10 things at once, it’s tough to focus on the one thing you’re actually doing. Mindfulness trains you to focus on one thing at a time, making life feel less chaotic.

3. Build Emotional Strength: Life throws a lot of emotions at us, but mindfulness can help you manage them instead of getting swept away. You get better at observing how you feel and responding, instead of reacting.

4. Better Relationships: Ever had a conversation where you feel like the other person isn’t really *there*? Mindfulness helps you truly listen and be present, which makes you a better friend, partner, or coworker.

5. Show Yourself Some Kindness: We’re often our own worst critics. Mindfulness helps you notice when you’re being hard on yourself and encourages a kinder, more forgiving mindset.

Easy Ways to Start Practicing Mindfulness

So, how do you actually do it? Here are some fun, no-fuss ways to get started with mindfulness:

1. Breathe Your Way to Calm

The easiest way to practice mindfulness is just by breathing. Here’s how to do it:

– Sit comfortably, close your eyes if it helps, and take a few slow, deep breaths.

– Focus on your breathing—the feeling of the air going in and out.

– When your mind wanders (and it will!), just gently bring it back to your breathing.

Start with a minute or two. You’ll be surprised how refreshed it makes you feel.

2. Try a Body Scan

This is great for unwinding, especially before bed. Think of it as a mental check-in with your body:

– Lie down, close your eyes, and take a few breaths.

– Start at your head and work your way down, noticing any tension or soreness.

– Don’t try to change anything, just observe. You’re tuning in, not fixing!

Body scans can be super relaxing and help you fall asleep faster.

3. Practice Mindful Eating

Next time you eat, slow it down and really enjoy it. Here’s how:

– Notice the colors, smells, and textures of your food before taking a bite.

– When you take a bite, pay attention to the taste and feel of the food in your mouth.

– Savor each bite, rather than rushing through the meal.

Mindful eating makes food taste better and even helps you avoid overeating because you’re more in tune with how full you feel.

4. Take a Mindful Walk

You don’t need to sit still to be mindful! Walking meditation is an awesome way to connect with the moment:

– Find a peaceful spot, indoors or outside, and walk slowly.

– Notice how your feet hit the ground and how your body shifts with each step.

– Focus on each movement, and when your mind wanders, gently bring it back to your steps.

Walking meditation is great for calming down and makes a walk feel like a mini-vacation.

5. Use the 5-4-3-2-1 Technique

This is a quick go-to if you’re feeling overwhelmed or stressed out. It’s all about using your senses to ground yourself:

– Look around and find 5 things you can see.

– Notice 4 things you can feel (like the warmth of your sweater or the floor under your feet).

– Listen for 3 things you can hear.

– Take in 2 things you can smell.

– Notice 1 thing you can taste, or take a sip of water if nothing comes to mind.

This exercise is a lifesaver when you need to snap back into the present.

Making Mindfulness a Habit

Mindfulness doesn’t need to be complicated, and you don’t have to be perfect at it. The goal isn’t to feel calm all the time—it’s to be more aware, more often, so you can handle whatever comes your way with a little more grace. Start small and be patient. Even a few mindful moments each day can make a huge difference over time.

So go ahead—give one or two of these exercises a try. Notice what happens when you bring your focus back to the present, even just for a few minutes. Mindfulness can help you savor life’s little moments and tackle the tough ones with a lot more ease.

People Pleasing

People-pleasing is the habit of putting others’ needs, feelings, and desires above one’s own, often sacrificing personal well-being to maintain harmony or gain approval. While people-pleasers often have the best intentions, chronic self-neglect and a need to be liked or validated can lead to stress, anxiety, and a weakened sense of self. A key aspect that fuels people-pleasing behavior is empathy—the natural ability to sense and feel what others are experiencing. While empathy is a beautiful gift, it can also contribute to the cycle of people-pleasing if not balanced with strong boundaries.

The Roots of People-Pleasing Behavior
People-pleasing tendencies often stem from early life experiences, social conditioning, and personality traits, particularly in highly empathetic individuals who are naturally attuned to others’ emotions. Here are some of the main sources of people-pleasing:

1. Childhood Dynamics: In families where love and approval are given in exchange for compliance or “good” behavior, children learn early on that their worth is tied to pleasing others. This behavior becomes a way to gain affection or avoid punishment, leading to a reliance on external validation for self-worth. Children in such environments often carry people-pleasing habits into adulthood.

2. Empathy and Sensitivity: Highly empathetic people feel others’ emotions strongly, which can make them more sensitive to others’ needs and discomfort. While empathy is generally seen as a strength, it can make someone more susceptible to people-pleasing. The natural instinct to help or alleviate discomfort in others can become a habit of overextending, even to the point of self-sacrifice.

3. Cultural and Gender Norms: Society often places expectations on women and marginalized groups to adopt nurturing or agreeable roles, rewarding them for being accommodating. People who grow up internalizing these messages may develop people-pleasing behaviors to fit the mold of being “nice,” “helpful,” or “selfless.”

4. Fear of Conflict or Rejection: For many, people-pleasing is a way to avoid uncomfortable situations or prevent rejection. The discomfort of disappointing others can feel overwhelming, especially for highly empathetic people who instinctively want to avoid causing hurt or distress in others.

5. Reward Pathways in the Brain: Receiving approval or praise activates the brain’s reward centers, reinforcing people-pleasing behavior. Over time, people-pleasers learn to seek out these “rewards” for self-worth, leading to a cycle of seeking external validation at the expense of personal needs.

The Development and Effects of People-Pleasing Patterns
As people-pleasing becomes ingrained, it often leads to significant personal costs, including:

1. Loss of Self-Identity: People-pleasers may begin to lose touch with their own needs, desires, and opinions, as they focus solely on those of others. They often struggle to understand their own boundaries, and this self-neglect can result in a weakened sense of identity.

2. Chronic Stress and Burnout: Constantly prioritizing others’ needs is exhausting. Over time, this self-sacrifice can lead to stress, anxiety, and even physical health issues as people neglect their own well-being.

3. Unbalanced Relationships: In relationships where people-pleasing is a dominant behavior, the dynamic often becomes one-sided. This imbalance can lead to resentment and feelings of being undervalued, as people-pleasers feel they give much more than they receive.

4. Impact on Self-Esteem: People-pleasers may develop low self-worth from relying on others’ approval for validation. When validation isn’t forthcoming, or relationships become strained, they may feel a profound sense of inadequacy or self-doubt.

Empathy’s Role in People-Pleasing
Empathy is one of the primary reasons people develop people-pleasing habits. People who are naturally empathetic often sense when others are in distress, disappointed, or frustrated, and they feel compelled to help. This can make it difficult to set boundaries, as they instinctively want to “fix” others’ discomfort—even if it comes at a personal cost. However, while empathy can drive people-pleasing, it’s also a quality that can support healthy, authentic relationships if balanced with self-compassion and assertiveness.

Breaking the People-Pleasing Pattern
Changing people-pleasing behavior requires self-awareness, boundary-setting, and practice. Here are strategies to help break free from the cycle while preserving the positive aspects of empathy:

1. Build Self-Awareness: Pay attention to moments when people-pleasing tendencies arise. Ask yourself what emotions or fears are driving your urge to say “yes” or accommodate. Is it a genuine desire to help, or are you afraid of disappointing someone? Journaling or working with a therapist can help clarify these triggers and create a foundation for change.

2. Practice Self-Compassion: Often, people-pleasers lack self-compassion, judging themselves harshly if they feel they’ve “failed” someone. Remind yourself that your needs and feelings are just as valid as others’. Self-compassion involves treating yourself with the same kindness and respect you offer to others.

3. Reframe Empathy as a Strength with Limits: Empathy doesn’t have to mean self-sacrifice. Learning to recognize others’ feelings without taking responsibility for their happiness is crucial. Healthy empathy respects others’ emotions while also honoring your own needs and boundaries. In fact, allowing others to take responsibility for their own happiness allows them the opportunity to grow and learn new skills that they can use in the long run.

4. Set Boundaries Gradually: Start by setting small boundaries that don’t feel too intimidating, like declining minor requests or taking time for yourself. Gradually work up to establishing more significant boundaries in relationships. With practice, setting boundaries will feel more natural, and people will adjust to the new dynamic.

5. Reinterpret Discomfort as Growth: It’s natural to feel uncomfortable when breaking a long-standing pattern. Instead of interpreting this discomfort as failure or inadequacy, view it as a sign of personal growth. Over time, each “no” will become easier, and you’ll feel more confident asserting your needs.

6. Reevaluate Relationships: Surround yourself with people who respect and value your boundaries. Relationships where mutual respect and honesty are present will support your journey away from people-pleasing and foster a sense of security in showing up as your true self.

7. Seek Support from a Professional: A therapist or counselor can offer valuable tools to navigate the complexities of people-pleasing. Therapy can help you identify underlying beliefs, build self-worth, and learn practical skills to assert your needs.

Final Thoughts
People-pleasing often begins as a coping mechanism in response to early family dynamics, societal expectations, and personal traits like empathy. While empathy is a beautiful and essential quality, it can lead to patterns of self-sacrifice if not balanced with strong boundaries and self-care. By practicing self-awareness, redefining self-worth, and developing healthy boundaries, you can break free from the people-pleasing cycle while still nurturing empathy in a way that honors both your needs and those of others.

Comparison: A Sneaky Thief

At first glance, comparison might seem like a helpful motivator. After all, seeing someone succeed or achieve something amazing can inspire us to aim higher, push harder, or explore new paths. It can even give us a short-term boost — a feeling of confidence or satisfaction if we measure up or even surpass others in some way. But comparison has a dark side. What starts as a quick comparison can easily become a habit, and over time, it can start to harm us rather than help. This “sneaky thief” can rob us of joy, satisfaction, and even self-worth.

Let’s take a closer look at how comparison negatively impacts us in the long run and, more importantly, how we can break free from it.

The Hidden Costs of Comparison

1. Temporary Highs, Long-Term Lows

While comparison can sometimes make us feel good, that feeling is usually fleeting. As soon as someone else achieves something “better,” the satisfaction fades, and we find ourselves constantly searching for the next win. It perpetuates false beliefs that we are “not enough.” This cycle of highs and lows can leave us feeling emotionally drained and chronically dissatisfied.

2. Undermining Self-Worth

Constant comparison can erode our self-worth. Instead of appreciating ourselves for who we are, we start measuring our value against someone else’s success, lifestyle, or appearance. This pattern can lead to chronic self-doubt and low self-esteem, as we feel we’re never “enough.”

3. An “Illusion of Lack”

Comparison often tricks us into focusing on what we lack rather than appreciating what we have. We fixate on the things that others seem to have in abundance — be it money, success, beauty, or happiness — and overlook the richness of our own lives. This “illusion of lack” can make us feel that our lives are incomplete or inadequate, even if we have so much to be grateful for.

4. Increased Anxiety and Pressure

When comparison becomes a habit, it can create a constant feeling of pressure. We may feel like we’re in a race we didn’t sign up for, struggling to keep up with others’ achievements or standards, whether we actually want those things or not. This can lead to higher stress levels, anxiety, and even burnout.

5. Strained Relationships

Comparison doesn’t just impact how we see ourselves; it affects how we view others. If we see friends, coworkers, or family members as “competitors,” we’re less likely to connect with them meaningfully. Jealousy and resentment can creep in, creating distance in relationships that would otherwise be supportive and fulfilling.

How to Break Free from the Comparison Trap

Breaking the habit of comparison can take time and conscious effort, but it’s entirely possible. Here are some strategies to help us refocus our energy on what truly matters:

1. Practice Daily Gratitude

Make it a habit to list a few things you’re grateful for each day. Gratitude helps redirect your focus from what you lack to what you have. Over time, this practice builds a mindset of abundance and helps reduce the urge to compare.

2. Define Your Own Success

Take time to define what success means for you based on your values, strengths, and goals. When you have a clear vision of what you want from life, you’ll feel less compelled to measure yourself against someone else’s version of success.

3. Limit Social Media Exposure

Social media is often a highlight reel — not an accurate reflection of reality. Reducing screen time or unfollowing accounts that spark feelings of inadequacy can help lessen the urge to compare. Instead, follow people and pages that genuinely uplift and inspire you.

4. Celebrate Others without Comparison

Practice celebrating other people’s wins without comparing them to your own achievements. This not only helps strengthen your relationships but also reduces the feeling of competition. Genuine happiness for others can be freeing and rewarding.

5. Focus on Self-Compassion

Treat yourself with kindness and understanding. Instead of criticizing yourself for not “measuring up,” practice self-compassion. Recognize that everyone’s journey is unique, and each of us has our own strengths and challenges.

6. Commit to Your Own Path

Rather than asking, “Am I doing better than others?” try asking, “Am I happy?Do I have joy? Am I growing? Am I learning? What do I really want my life to be about?” Shift your focus to yourself and your own path.

Moving Beyond Comparison

Comparison may seem like a harmless habit, but it often steals our peace and clouds our perspective. When we focus on our own path, celebrate our progress, and practice gratitude, we find greater fulfillment and self-acceptance. Embracing these practices lets us reclaim the joy that comparison tries to steal.

Let’s leave comparison behind. Life is too precious to spend it measuring ourselves against others. Instead, let’s choose to live fully, appreciating who we are and celebrating our unique journey.

Seasonal Affective Disorder

As we set the clocks back and watch the days get shorter, it’s easy to feel like winter is taking over. For some of us, the time change and the darker days can bring on a real case of the “winter blues” or Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). But with a few easy (and even fun) habits, you can beat the winter slump and stay cheerful and energized through the season!

What is Seasonal Affective Disorder?

SAD is a type of depression that kicks in when we lose those long, sunny days. With less sunlight, your body’s rhythms and mood can get thrown off, which can make you feel low-energy, grumpy, or craving more carbs than usual (hello, comfort food!). But with the right approach, you can shake off those blues and even find some joy in the cozy season.

Why Daylight Savings Can Make Us Feel Blah

When the clocks “fall back,” we suddenly lose an hour of evening light. That shift can mess with our sleep, routines, and mood, which is why some people feel extra out of it after the time change. But don’t worry—there are simple ways to put you back in charge!

Fun and Easy Ways to Handle SAD

If shorter days start bringing you down, try these simple, positive habits to keep your mood up.

1. Get Your Sunshine Fix

Get outside! When it’s colder, you may be less likely to want to get outdoors, but that might be exactly what helps. Even just 10-15 minutes of being in natural light can boost energy and mood for the rest of the day. Still don’t feel like it? A trusted therapist once lovingly, but bluntly, said, “Ever hear of a coat?” and it was the kickstart I needed to stop making excuses and start getting out there. Plus, a brisk walk is a great way to stay warm!

2. Bring the Light Indoors

Try a light therapy lamp! These little gadgets are a winter lifesaver. They mimic sunlight and can be used from the comfort of your couch or desk. A quick 20-30 minutes in the morning can lift your spirits and make the day feel a little brighter. Think of it as your daily mini-sunshine session.

3. Get Cozy with a Sleep Routine

A steady sleep schedule is key, especially when the time change throws you off. Keep a regular bedtime and aim to get up around the same time every day. Create a cozy bedtime routine, like reading or listening to calming music, to help you drift off happily.

4. Move Your Body, Lift Your Mood

Exercise is a natural mood-booster, but you don’t need a hard workout to get the benefits! Dance around your living room, try a winter sport, or even stretch. Just get moving, and you’ll feel more energized in no time.

5. Socialize (Even If It’s Just a Little)

It can be tempting to stay in, but connecting with others can really lift your spirits. Plan a coffee date or host a game night. Winter is a great time to strengthen bonds and have some laughs with friends or family.

6. Time for Cozy Activities

Break out those indoor activities! Fall and winter are the perfect times to do some crafting, learn to knit, or practice a new language. Grab a comfy blanket, snuggle your sweet pet, and read a book by the fire. Don’t forget the Hallmark channel!

7. Eat Well to Feel Well

Comfort food is cozy, but balance is key. Make sure to include foods that are good for your mood, like fish, nuts, leafy greens, and lean proteins. Avoid sugar overloads, which can lead to crashes that make you feel sluggish.

8. Unwind with Mindfulness

Take a few minutes each day to unwind and center yourself. Whether it’s deep breathing, a short meditation, or just a quiet moment to relax, a little calm can go a long way in lifting your mood and beating winter stress.

9. Reach Out for Extra Support

If the winter blues start to feel overwhelming, remember that you don’t have to go through it alone. A counselor or therapist can offer tools and support to help you feel better and stay on top of your mental health.

Final Thoughts

The winter months don’t have to get you down. By adding a few simple, feel-good habits to your routine, you can stay cheerful, energized, and ready to enjoy the season. So get your morning sun, stay connected, and keep moving—it’s all about finding little ways to bring warmth to winter! And if you need a little extra help, therapy can be a wonderful way to get personalized support for handling seasonal changes.

Winter may bring some challenges, but with these tips, you can make it your coziest, most joyful season yet!

Unconditional Positive Regard

Imagine walking into a space where you’re truly accepted for who you are—no judgments, no pressure to be perfect, just pure acceptance. This is what we call *unconditional positive regard* in counseling, and it’s at the heart of every good therapy relationship.

What is Unconditional Positive Regard?

Unconditional positive regard is a fancy way of saying that I, as your counselor, respect and accept you, no matter what. I won’t judge you based on your past mistakes, your struggles, or any labels you might put on yourself. I’m here to see *you*—as a whole, valuable person.

This doesn’t mean I think every choice is a great one or that I’ll always agree with you. But it does mean that my care for you is unconditional. You don’t need to change, impress, or do anything to earn my acceptance.

Why It Matters

For a lot of people, therapy is the first time they’ve felt fully accepted for who they are. And that experience can be incredibly powerful. Here’s why:

1. It Creates Safety

Knowing you won’t be judged helps you open up. You can let down your guard, be honest, and share the parts of yourself you might usually hide. This safety is where real healing begins.

2. It Helps You Accept Yourself

When someone accepts you as you are, it becomes easier to accept yourself. My hope is that, over time, you’ll start to feel a little less self-critical and a little kinder to yourself.

3. It Supports Real Change

Ironically, change often happens when we feel safe to just *be.* You can explore what you really want for yourself, rather than what others expect of you.

A Safe Harbor

Think of unconditional positive regard like a safe harbor in a stormy sea. When life gets tough, you know there’s a place you can come to where you’re not expected to be perfect. You can relax, breathe, and show up as your real self.

Building a Judgment-Free Relationship

In our sessions, my goal isn’t to “fix” you or tell you what to do. It’s to create a space where you can explore, reflect, and find your own path. This relationship of trust and non-judgment is what makes therapy a unique and life-changing experience.

Embracing Your Worth

We all carry regrets, insecurities, and pressures. But in a space of unconditional positive regard, you can start to let go of that weight. You can begin to see yourself as deserving of kindness, acceptance, and love.

If this kind of space sounds like what you need, feel free to reach out. There’s a judgment-free zone waiting for you.

10 Things You Can Absolutely Do In Online Therapy With Me

When you imagine therapy, you might picture a traditional setting: a cozy couch, a box of tissues, and maybe even a bit of nervous fidgeting. But with online therapy, things can be more comfortable! Whether you’re logging in from your living room or tuning in from your car, online sessions offer some surprising freedoms. Here are ten things you can totally do in online therapy with me that might just make the experience even more enjoyable and effective.

1. Come as You Are – Pajamas Encouraged!
Maybe your morning’s been a bit of a marathon, or you’re wrapping up a long day. In online therapy, you can show up more relaxed—pajamas, sweats, or your comfiest hoodie are totally welcome. The goal is for you to feel comfortable and present, and if that means dressing down, more power to you!

2. Cry It Out (With Zero Embarrassment)
Crying in therapy is totally normal, and it’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Being in a comfortable, familiar environment during a session often makes it easier to express yourself fully. Plus, you’ve got your own tissue stash, favorite blanket, or even a pet nearby for extra comfort.

3. Laugh—A Lot
Therapy isn’t all serious talk; in fact, humor can play a huge role in the healing process! Feel free to laugh, crack jokes, or share that funny story. The goal is for you to feel genuine and engaged, and if that includes laughter, let it out!

4. Curse if You Need To
Sometimes, strong language is just the right way to express how you’re feeling. If you need to let out a few choice words to describe a situation, go for it. I’m here for all of it, unfiltered. Being able to express yourself without editing gives us a clearer picture of what’s going on and can be a big release!

5. Show Up in Curlers, Messy Hair, or Whatever Feels Right
Online therapy means less focus on appearances and more on the conversation. Whether you’re fresh out of bed or prepped for a big night out, you’re free to show up however feels best. This is a space for authenticity, not a runway.

6. Log in from Unique Spots – Yes, Even Your Car
Sometimes, the car is the perfect quiet spot, whether it’s during a lunch break or before you head home. Many clients log in from their parked cars, especially when they need a private space away from home distractions. There’s something comforting about knowing you can talk from a variet of places where you feel safe and comfortable.

7. Bring Your Favorite Comfort Items
One of the best things about online therapy is that it’s held in your own space. Whether you need a favorite blanket, your go-to stuffed animal, or your favorite mug of tea, bring it to your session. These familiar items can make a big difference in helping you feel more grounded and open.

8. Take Breaks to Breathe or Regroup
Sometimes, talking about difficult topics can be intense. If you need a moment to pause, take a deep breath, or even stand up and stretch, that’s okay! Online therapy gives you the flexibility to take those moments without feeling self-conscious.

9. Bring Your Pet to Therapy
Pets are natural therapy buddies. Feel free to invite your furry (or scaly!) friend to join. Many clients feel that having their pet nearby helps them feel supported and calm, and we know how to incorporate these beloved companions into our sessions. Pets get us, too.

10. Let Your Guard Down and Be You
Perhaps the best thing about online therapy is the chance to let down any guards you might have. Without the formality of an office setting, many clients feel more comfortable opening up and getting to the heart of what they’re dealing with. And that’s what we’re here for.

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Therapy doesn’t need to be traditional or stuffy to be effective. Sometimes, the comfort of being in your own space can make it easier to open up, process, and even grow. So show up as you are, let the laughter or tears flow, and make this time work for you, exactly as you need it to.

Who Are You Really? A Guide To Finding Your True Self

Have you ever wondered, “Who am I, really?” It’s a big question, and it can feel kind of overwhelming. But figuring out who you are deep down can make life more meaningful and help you feel more confident in making choices that feel right for you.

Here’s a guide to help you start exploring and discovering who you really are:

1. Accept Yourself—Flaws and All

One of the first steps to understanding yourself is accepting yourself as you are, right now. It’s easy to focus on things you don’t like about yourself, but nobody is perfect, and that’s okay. Self-acceptance is about learning to be kind to yourself and recognizing that all parts of you matter, even the ones you’re not thrilled with.

**Ask Yourself:** *What do I like about myself? What do I find hard to accept?*

2. Question Outside Expectations

We often feel pressure to be a certain way because of family, friends, or society. But to know who you really are, you’ll need to learn to separate what *you* want from what others expect. Think about the things you do because you genuinely enjoy them versus things you do because you feel you “should.”

**Try This:** *Think of a decision you’ve made recently. Was it truly for you, or because someone else expected it?*

3. Identify What Matters to You

Values are like your life’s “guiding lights.” They help you make choices and figure out what really matters. Your values can be anything from honesty to kindness to creativity—whatever feels most meaningful to you.

**Action Step:** *Make a list of things that make you feel happy or proud. What do they have in common? Those might be your values.*

4. Trust Your Gut Feelings

Your intuition, or gut feeling, is like an inner voice that helps you know what feels right or wrong. It’s often quieter than thoughts or opinions, but listening to it can help you make choices that feel true to who you are. Try spending a few quiet minutes each day paying attention to any feelings that pop up.

**Try This:** *When you’re faced with a decision, pause and ask yourself, “Does this feel right?”*

5. Embrace Change

Knowing yourself isn’t about finding a fixed answer—people grow and change over time, and that’s a good thing. Your interests, opinions, and goals may shift as you get older. Embrace these changes as part of your journey; they’re helping you become the best version of you.

**Mindset Shift:** *Instead of saying, “I have to figure out who I am,” try thinking, “I’m on a journey to understand myself better.”*

6. Don’t Be Afraid to Ask for Help

Self-discovery isn’t something you have to do alone. Talking to someone you trust—whether a friend, family member, or counselor—can give you new perspectives on yourself. A counselor, especially, can help guide you on this journey by helping you explore your thoughts, feelings, and values in a safe space.

Final Thought: Keep Going

Learning who you are takes time, so don’t feel rushed. Stay curious about yourself and keep exploring what makes you unique. When you take the time to understand yourself, life can feel more like *your* life and less like one shaped by others. Remember, this journey is all about discovering the person you’re meant to be—and that’s something worth taking your time for.

Everything We Do Is About Emotions

Our choices may seem grounded in logic or practicality, but if you peel back the layers, you’ll find that they’re ultimately motivated by emotion. Beneath all our ambitions, relationships, and daily routines lies one simple truth: everything we do is an attempt to get closer to the emotions we want to feel.

Let’s unpack this idea by exploring how emotions shape our lives and the decisions we make.

# 1. **Our Goals Are Guided by Feelings**
– Imagine someone setting a career goal to earn a six-figure salary or even seven figures. At a glance, this goal seems driven by money, but the real driver is the emotional satisfaction they believe this will bring—perhaps feelings of security, pride, or the validation of their worth. If someone is aiming for a promotion or a fitness milestone, what’s at the core is often not the status or the health benefit but the feeling of accomplishment and confidence they expect to experience.

– Emotions like happiness, satisfaction, and fulfillment serve as the underlying motives for our aspirations. Our goals are less about the end achievement itself and more about the way we hope to feel when we reach them.

# 2. **Relationships and Emotional Fulfillment**
– Why do we seek relationships? Humans are inherently social, but we also crave emotional bonds because they offer a profound sense of love, belonging, and joy. Whether it’s friendship, romantic partnership, or family, relationships are largely about creating and sustaining feelings that make life richer and more meaningful.

– Even our interactions with acquaintances, neighbors, or coworkers are often influenced by how they make us feel. We gravitate towards people who make us feel good and avoid those who don’t. When we connect with others, we’re subconsciously choosing the emotions we want to welcome into our lives.

# 3. **Career Choices and Personal Satisfaction**
– People often assume careers are chosen based on practicality—what we’re good at or what will pay the bills. But deep down, we choose careers that make us feel accomplished, useful, or purposeful. For instance, someone may choose a career in teaching because it makes them feel they’re contributing positively to society, not necessarily for the paycheck.

– In jobs where these emotional needs go unmet, people frequently report dissatisfaction, burnout, and a desire to change paths. Ultimately, career decisions are often based on a quest for the emotions associated with fulfillment, respect, or purpose.

# 4. **Hobbies, Passions, and Joyful Moments**
– We engage in hobbies and passions not because they are essential for survival but because they evoke pleasure, creativity, or relaxation. Whether someone loves painting, gardening, or playing sports, each of these pursuits is rooted in the emotions they inspire.

– Moments of joy and flow—the times we lose ourselves in something we love—are powerful emotional experiences that keep us coming back for more. Our free time is shaped by what makes us feel the most alive and satisfied.

# 5. **The Link Between Emotions and Consumption**
– Consumption isn’t just about meeting physical needs; it’s deeply tied to our emotions. We buy things to feel a certain way. Whether it’s a new gadget, a designer bag, or even food, we often choose items based on how they’ll make us feel rather than pure necessity.

– Marketing and advertising strategies hinge on this fact. They don’t sell the product itself—they sell the emotions associated with owning that product: success, luxury, comfort, and sometimes even nostalgia or excitement. Our consumption patterns highlight how much we’re driven by the emotions we want to experience.

# 6. **Avoidance of Negative Emotions**
– Just as much as we’re motivated to chase positive emotions, we’re also motivated to avoid negative ones. This avoidance can influence our behavior just as strongly, if not more so, than the pursuit of positive feelings. We avoid confrontation because we want to sidestep discomfort. We might procrastinate on tasks that create stress. Or we steer clear of certain environments or people that bring us anxiety or frustration.

– This constant balancing act—seeking the emotions we want and dodging the ones we don’t—explains much of our daily decision-making. We’re hardwired to avoid discomfort, even if it sometimes leads to missed opportunities or delayed progress.

# 7. **Emotional Awareness as a Key to Fulfillment**
– Understanding that our actions are driven by emotional needs can empower us to make more intentional choices. When we recognize that what we’re really after is a specific feeling, we can adjust our goals and actions in ways that actually bring us closer to those emotions.

– Instead of assuming external achievements will automatically make us happy, we can focus on cultivating the feelings of fulfillment, joy, or love in our current circumstances. We might still work toward goals, but we’re no longer placing all of our emotional well-being on the idea that they alone will bring happiness.

**Emotions Are the Compass of Life**

When we come to terms with how emotions drive our choices, it can be a transformative realization. Everything from the big life decisions down to the tiny daily habits is influenced by how we want to feel. And when we start acting with this awareness, we can begin aligning our lives with what truly matters to us emotionally.

Understanding this can help us become more compassionate toward ourselves and others. Everyone is, in essence, pursuing the emotions they most desire, even if they don’t always know it. When we accept this, we can start living with a more intentional approach, taking each step with the clarity that we’re not just chasing goals—we’re chasing the way we want to feel.

Why Intentions Matter

Every day, we perform hundreds of actions, many of which are habits or routines we’ve formed over time. But have you ever stopped to consider why you’re doing them? The intention behind an action can drastically change not only our experience of that action but its long-term impact on our mental well-being and self-perception. It’s not just what we do that matters—it’s why we’re doing it.

Consider the example of preparing a healthy meal. The same action can be approached with vastly different intentions. One person might be cooking a nutritious dinner because they believe they must meet a certain standard to be worthy of acceptance. Another person, however, might be preparing the same meal as an expression of care for their body, honoring it as something that deserves nurturing. Both actions look the same on the surface, but the intentions are worlds apart—and so are the outcomes.

The Impact of Our Intentions

The reasons behind our actions often affect our mental and emotional experience. When we perform a task with negative or self-critical intentions, it can create stress, erode self-worth, or feel like an endless chore. However, when we do the same thing with a positive, value-driven intention, it can uplift us, increase resilience, and make the task itself more fulfilling.

Here are some reasons why intention plays such a crucial role in our actions:

Positive Intentions Create Positive Associations: When our actions stem from a place of kindness and acceptance, they build positive mental associations, enhancing the experience and our motivation to continue. The same action can feel rewarding or draining, depending on its motivation.
Intentional Actions Improve Self-Compassion: Acting out of self-compassion can shift our relationship with ourselves. When our actions are driven by a desire for self-care rather than criticism or shame, we cultivate kindness towards ourselves, building resilience and self-worth.
Intentions Shape Our Experiences: Imagine doing something because you “have to” versus because you “want to.” That shift can turn a routine task into something meaningful. Our intentions act as the lens through which we see the world, adding depth and significance to otherwise ordinary activities.

An Example of Intention Shaping Action: Learning a New Skill

Let’s look at someone named Jamie, who has started learning to play the guitar. Jamie’s intention could go two ways. They might be learning because they believe it will make them more interesting or impressive to others. With this intention, every practice session feels like a test of their self-worth, and they’re constantly scrutinizing their mistakes. The practice becomes a stressful chore, and Jamie starts to feel defeated or like they’re not progressing “fast enough.”

Now, consider Jamie practicing with a different intention: to enjoy the process of learning and to connect with something they’ve always wanted to explore. Here, the focus shifts away from judgment and onto discovery. The same activity of practicing guitar becomes something fun and fulfilling—a form of self-expression that Jamie looks forward to each day. Mistakes are no longer setbacks; they’re simply part of the journey. Over time, Jamie not only becomes a better musician but also feels a sense of accomplishment and joy from pursuing something they care about.

Bringing Positive Intentions into Your Daily Life

Identify Your True Motivation: The next time you find yourself doing something, pause and ask, “What’s my reason for doing this?” Try to identify whether it comes from a positive place, such as self-care, or from a negative place, like self-criticism.
Choose Kindness and Curiosity: Reframe actions with self-compassion and curiosity. Instead of trying to prove something to yourself or others, approach each task as an opportunity to grow and experience something new.
Set Small Intentions: Setting small, positive intentions each day can help shift your mindset over time. Whether it’s “to feel energized” or “to learn something new,” these simple intentions can give your actions a new, positive focus.
Reflect on the Experience: At the end of the day, reflect on how your intentions influenced your actions and mindset. Celebrate any moments when you acted with compassion or positivity, and consider how you felt in contrast to when you acted out of fear or obligation.

Final Thoughts

Our intentions are powerful—they shape not only our actions but also how we feel about ourselves. By bringing mindfulness to the reasons behind our choices, we can transform everyday actions into practices of self-care and fulfillment. We begin to cultivate a life where even the smallest routines carry meaning and enrich our well-being. The shift might be subtle, but the impact on our lives can be profound.

What Even Is “Therapy?”

Therapy. It’s a word that gets thrown around a lot, but do you really know what it means? For many, the idea of therapy is surrounded by misconceptions. Some might think it’s only for people who are “broken” or in crisis, while others imagine therapy as just talking to someone who nods and asks, “How does that make you feel?” But therapy is so much more than that. In fact, it’s one of the most powerful tools we have for creating lasting change, gaining deeper self-awareness, and living a more fulfilling life.

If you’re new to therapy or considering it for the first time, let’s break down what it really is—and how it can help you.

Therapy is a Safe Space

At its core, therapy is a safe and confidential space where you can explore your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors without judgment. It’s a dedicated time for you to explore yourself: your thoughts, feelings, beliefs, perceptions, and experiences. It’s a place where you can say things you might not be able to say to friends, family, or even your partner. You don’t have to worry about being judged, criticized, or misunderstood. Your therapist is there to listen, support, and guide you through whatever challenges or concerns you’re facing.

We all carry thoughts, feelings, and past experiences that shape who we are. Sometimes, these can be difficult to navigate alone. Therapy gives you the space to process these aspects of yourself with someone trained to help you make sense of it all.

Therapy is About Growth, Not Just Crisis

One common myth about therapy is that it’s only for when things are falling apart. While therapy can absolutely help during times of crisis, it’s also incredibly beneficial for personal growth and self-improvement. You don’t need to wait for a major life event to start therapy. Maybe you’re feeling stuck in your job, want to improve your relationships, or simply want to understand yourself better. Therapy helps with all of that.

Think of therapy as an investment in your mental and emotional health—just like exercise is an investment in your physical health. You wouldn’t wait until your body was in pain to start working out, right? Therapy works the same way.

Therapy is Collaborative

It’s important to understand that therapy is a collaborative process. You and your therapist work together to identify your goals, whether that’s reducing anxiety, improving communication skills, managing stress, or dealing with trauma. Together, you’ll explore patterns, challenge negative thinking, and develop new strategies for coping with life’s challenges.

A therapist doesn’t tell you what to do or “fix” you. Instead, they help you uncover the answers that are already within you. Therapy is about empowerment—giving you the tools and insights you need to make positive changes in your life.

Therapy is a Journey

It’s important to remember that therapy is a journey. Some trips are short and easy and others are longer and more winding with a few hills or mountains. But with patience and commitment, therapy can lead to profound, lasting changes.

Whether you’re looking for help with specific issues like anxiety or depression, or you simply want to understand yourself on a deeper level, therapy provides the opportunity for real transformation. You’ll discover new ways to think, feel, and act in your daily life, helping you break free from old patterns and create a more fulfilling future.

Is Therapy Right for You?

If you’ve been thinking about therapy, now is the time to take the next step. Whether you’re struggling with stress, relationship issues, or just feeling like something in your life isn’t quite right, therapy can help you find clarity and direction. It’s not about being “broken” or needing to be fixed—it’s about discovering your best self and learning how to navigate life’s ups and downs with more confidence and resilience.

Don’t wait for the perfect moment to start therapy. There’s never a “right” time to begin; the most important thing is that you’re open to it. If you’re ready to explore what therapy can do for you, let’s connect. Together, we can work toward creating the change you’re seeking, one step at a time.